Reasons 346382 and counting as to why I clearly am not Carrie Bradshaw

I’m willing to bet that Carrie Bradshaw only had to write one column a week.  Plus she had a job, so she didn’t have to look for one. And she didn’t have kids who walk in the door right after school and announce they have a project due tomorrow and there is a shopping list a mile long of things they need to complete said project.  Of course she lived in NYC so shopping wasn’t necessarily a 30 mile drive to an over crowded store that almost guaranteed you wouldn’t make it home in time to get the other child to the school for practice before tonight’s basketball games.

And so, since I am clearly *not* living the carefree life of Carrie Bradshaw, the two posts I have in the works will just have to sit in my drafts folder another day because I’ve been put on notice, if I bring my laptop to the basketball games I will summarily be disowned if she didn’t need me to drive her everywhere and cook and buy stuff.

 

An Job Application of Sorts

As I happened to mention in my previous post, I am now gainfully unemployed.  Yes, gainfully.  I am nothing if not optimistic.  I am currently looking for a job.  Clearly.  So I thought I’d start my job search on line.  After all, what could be aiming any lower than being unemployed?

Dear Aiming Low,

It’s been four months exactly, since I sent an email asking to join the Staff at Aiming Low.  I can only assume, given the influx of new talent as of late, that my email got lost in the shuffle or you haven’t gotten to it yet.  That’s ok.  I’m sending a new one.

See, in my first email, I suggested that maybe attaching a picture of my boobs would help with the application process.  That was four months ago.  I have since lost some weight, and my boobs?  Just like the old grey mare, they ain’t what they used to be.  BUT! Do not despair.  I have an amazing friend who said she would do anything in her power for me.  Bury bodies, provide alibis, oh wait those don’t sound like selling points.  Never mind. Anyway my friend Laci has some amazing fully paid for boobs.  Yes, I’ve seen them, up close and in a women’s bathroom.  At work. (no, she is not the reason I don’t have a job. Neither are her boobs) She would send a picture of *her* boobs (which are way better than mine anyway).

If you’re looking for references, let me offer two you already have on staff. Miss Britt, and Jessica Bern. I have worked with Britt, at Buy-Her.  Of course, now that she’s on The Great American Road Trip, she doesn’t write at Buy-Her much anymore.  Neither do I, to be honest.  I was really great right out of the gate, but I kinda tapered off because of the drama in my life, and lack of medication.  Rest assured, I am well medicated and I don’t care about the drama any more.

If you go to my blog, you might not want to read the most recent posts, you know, because the source of most of my drama was being a total douchenozzle and I was exercising my inner demons on line.  But now that he’s gone, I’ll be bringing funny back much like Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back. (a gratuitous JT mention goes a long way)

Also on your staff, Jessica Bern. Back in April, I left a comment on Jessica’s blog Bern This, about how I absolutely loved her vlogs and while I never watched videos at work (hello!? At work!) I watched hers because she was so fucking hilarious how could I not.  I told her, “I could very well get fired for watching your vlogs at work, or having to replace my monitors too many times from coffee spit on them.  So, in the event I get fired, can I come work with you?”  “(Hello, Jessica? Yeah, HI! Unemployed!  You kinda owe me this.  Yeah, not unemployed b/c of your videos though, does that make a difference?)

As for any kind of compensation for my work, if you read my blog, you will find that clearly I am cheap.  After all, I sold my soul for a mere $20 pair of stilettos. I am willing to work for cheap (read free) because the street cred alone is worth way more.  In fact, I’m sure if I put “Contributing author at Aiming Low” on my resume’ I could probably have a job by Wednesday.

I will forward a copy of my resume upon request, but I don’t see how that will make much of a difference.  I truly believe that my writing speaks for itself.  I will be sitting by my laptop most of the day today if you need me for an interview.

(Hint: To get the full level of funny, hover over the links… that’s where the comedy gold is.)

Sincerely,

I can't not find words to adequately express my thanks

I can not begin to find the words to adequately express my thanks to all my readers.

I got a message from Melissa today, at You Won’t Go Blind, offering me a writer position at that website instead of just a guest poster.

She said that my first article there, is still getting lots of reviews and she asked if I would be interested in submitting articles on a regular basis.

And with that simple message?  I saw more of my dream come true.

So for those of you who followed me over there for one day? Pack a bag, you’ll be following me over there more and more.

I took another step towards my dreams coming true.  And I owe a huge part of it to you.

Because nothing screams dating expert like a twice divorced recently dumped single mom of two. Clearly.

I happen to be hanging out on Facebook when I saw Melissa say that yes, it was true, You Won’t Go Blind was looking for new writers if anyone was interested to contact her.

I thought it would be fun, so I fired off a message with links to here, and Buy-Her.com and said I was interested in being considered.  You know because nothing screams relationship expert quite as loudly as a twice divorced, recently dumped, now back in the dating world at the ripe age of 40+, mother of two almost teenage daughters.  I know exactly what I’m talking about. Clearly.

When I happened to mention this new adventure to a couple of my co-workers, after they stopped laughing long enough to take a breath, they asked me “So, has this woman ever met you?”   Well, clearly, no.  If she had?  I’d would have never been given this opportunity.

Of course, now, I can go on dates and consider it research.  As one friend pointed out “You can be St. Louis’s version of Carrie Bradshaw.”  Because that’s exactly what St. Louis needs.  Clearly.

In all seriousness, I can bring to the table knowledge about blending families, single parent dating, dating over the age of 40, on line dating (that’s where/how I met Brian, and regardless of where we are now (Splitsville, barely speaking Splitsville) we dated for 4 years) and unblending families.

I don’t have anything posted there yet, but believe me as soon as I do?  You all will be the first to know about it. I would appreciate it if you all would then spread the word and show me some love because I don’t want Melissa to regret giving me this chance.  I think it will be awesome beyond words and I need some support and love.  PLEASE.  We’ll keep the crazy from her until she realizes just how Awesome I am.

This is me feeling restless

The phone rang yesterday, a number I didn’t recognize, but since I was at Brian’s house, and he was at work, I answered it.  It was a survey company asking me “Are you worried about the state of the country’s economy?”  I said “It can’t be too bad if we’re paying people like you to call and annoy people like me with unimportant annoying surveys that won’t amount to anything.”

Unfortunately, it was a recording, and he just kept blathering on and on about something. I don’t know I stopped listening to him and hung up.

The thing is, I’m feeling restless.  It’s October, a week before Halloween and yesterday it was 80 degrees.  In St. Louis.  It makes it really uncomfortable to wear hoodies and jeans which, in my mind, is fashionable late autumn attire.  But that’s the thing about me, I’m all about the looks, not so much about the comfort.

The restless feeling?  Really has nothing to do with the weather and my clothes.  It has a lot to do with I have big hopes and dreams and wants and wishes and I am impatient as hell.  I need to write, but I’m not sure what to write about.  I need to get out with my camera and feed that creative urge.  In the most pressing of ways.

And then for a little truth?  I’ve been blogging for 5 years.  I look around at all these new bloggers on the block, who are just celebrating their 1 year anniversary, and they have hundreds, if not thousands of followers, and me?  Not even in the neighborhood.  And I *know* that’s my fault too.  I need to be more consistent with my writing.  I need to be more consistent with cultivating and nurturing my on line relationships.  This is not a “If you build/write it they will come” sort of enterprise.  This is a “If you want it you better get off your ass and go get it because you’re not a princess and that shit won’t be delivered to you on a silver platter no matter how hard you wish otherwise.”

I’m hoping in the not so distant (like almost immediate) future there will be changes to my blogging life.  More writing, better writing.  I think the problem is I want to be Carrie Bradshaw, but I don’t live in NYC and I don’t like Manolos (I love Christian Louboutins, not that I can afford to own a pair).

*sigh* This is just me being restless.  I’ll find my way, my balance, my answers.  I promise.

My first Buy-Her post is up today!

I have news.  Good news.  BIG news.  Well, at least to me.  So listen up.  A few weeks ago (ok, maybe a month ago) my friend Britt put out a request for contributors for her review blog Buy-Her, I jumped at the chance to get to work with her.  I guess the stars aligned just right that night, or maybe she was just under a great deal of stress and not thinking clearly, but she accepted me as a contributor and today, my FIRST REVIEW is over at Buy-Her!  So run over and go check me out!!!!  And please?  Tell your friends, and leave a comment. Please. And Thanks. And you’re awesome.

30 Days of Truth Fail

Yes, I realize I started something that should have given me something to write about for 30 consecutive days without having to think about it much at all.

And then? I failed.

Now, however, I have people linking to my first post and jumping on the bandwagon. Frankly they’re on their own because I suck at being a leader. I like to follow. I’m good at that. Leading? Not so much. And I’ve got kids. Scary thought huh?

Having said all of that, feel the need to sort of follow through with this 30 days of truth.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself

Which is really harder to write than something I hate about myself. I can list chapter and verse things I don’t like about me. But finding acceptance and god forbid, love something about myself, well… are you serious?

I love that I love photography. Of course, right now my photography website is currently under construction so I don’t have any examples of my photos. I hate that it’s been entirely too long since I put anything new on the website, but since it’s under construction I sort of have an excuse.

I love that I am a single mom raising two daughters with very little help from their father, and I am doing a good job at it. I love that I have cultivated the kind of relationship with them that gives them the security to come to me with any problems. We can talk about anything, and everything and that’s a great thing.

I love that I am taking steps to follow my dream of someday being something or somebody online and not just in my head. I don’t have dreams of grandeur of becoming a published author, (although I would never turn down that opportunity should I wake up and find this life is just a bad dream and I really am a famous writer) but I would like to have a blog with a decent following and I would love to be the writer I have always wanted to be. Which is sort of like Carrie Bradshaw with Louboutins instead of Manolos.

I love that I have the opportunity to work with a writer I have admired for several years now. (more on this later) When the opportunity presented itself I crossed my fingers, and jumped at the chance and I can not even put into words how much it means to me to be working with her.

I love that two years ago I was in a really bad place in my life, and now, two years later, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and will finally be able to put all of that behind me.

I love that in the midst of all of this I finally pulled my head out of my ass and learned a few things and got my shit together and finally, at 42, seem to have a clue, and finally know what it’s all about.

Tomorrow or Day 3 is Something you have to forgive yourself for. You all might want to bring comfy clothes, a comfy chair, or pillowblanket combo, and drinks. We could be here a while with that one.