My Complicated Pregnancy

The Ladies and Gents at Aiming Low are highlighting pregnancy complications this month.  Specifically highlighting “It’s not your fault”.   I have never blogged about my pregnancy with Tate.  Mainly because it happened so long before I started blogging, and also? Because it was a freak occurrence.  The doctors couldn’t tell me why this happened, and couldn’t promise me it wouldn’t happen again.

*Warning: This is not a pretty story.  If you have a weak stomach, read with caution*

I was five months pregnant with Tate. It was an easy, normal pregnancy. I went to bed that night just like any other night, and slept soundly.  Until I dreamt I was swallowing something, constantly swallowing and no matter how much I swallowed, there was always more…. and I woke up, to find out I was swallowing something. I sat up, and realized I was having a nose bleed.  While I was asleep the blood, instead of coming out my nose was going down my throat.  I had never in my life had a nose bleed.  But I had read all those “What to expect when you’re expecting” books, and knew that nose bleeds weren’t uncommon with pregnancies.  A half hour later, it stopped bleeding, and I went back to sleep.

The next morning, when Tate’s dad had gone to work, I got in the shower.  My nose started bleeding again. This time it was more aggressive.  It was squirting from my nose and running down my throat.  The heat and the steam had broken lose the clot that had stopped the bleeding the night before.  This time I couldn’t get it to stop. I called my mom who came and took me to the ER.

At the hospital, the doctors packed my sinus cavity with some cotton and sent me on my way.  We didn’t even make it home before it started bleeding again.  Back to the ER, they packed my nose again with more absorbent material, and again sent me on my way.  We got home, I sat down and drank a glass of ice tea and felt the now familiar drainage in my throat.  This time I went to the bathroom, hung my head over the toilet and let the blood pour out of my nose like a water faucet.  What wasn’t able to get our of my nose went down my throat which I promptly threw up.

We threw a bath towel in front of my face, and rushed me back to the hospital.  There they packed my sinus cavity with 2 1/2 feet of gauze.  Yes, it was as painful as it sounds.  Instead of going home I waited in the ER waiting room knowing I would bleed again.  They finally sent me upstairs for observation for 24 hours.  At this point, I was concerned about the amount of blood I’d lost.  I was 5 months pregnant.  The blood I had seen pouring from my head could not have been good for the baby.  The doctors didn’t believe me.  But they kept me for observations anyway.  Within a few hours I was bleeding again.  The doctors went threw several more painful options to try and stop the bleeding and get it to clot. One included a barbell which when filled with saline on one end would expand on the other supposedly to block off the source of the blood.  All it did was separate the bones in my nose.  At one point I grabbed the nurse and said “You’re breaking my nose, just let me bleed.” It hurt that much, and due to the pregnancy they were limited to the pain medication they could give me.

A few hours later they decided to operate, the doctor would go in and cauterize the blood vessels to my nose hoping to stop the blood supply.  It worked for a few hours, but the next morning I was bleeding again.  The doctors and nurses said they had done all they could do, and they sent me to The University Hospital 45 miles away.

Once there, I sat in the ER for what seemed like forever.  When they went to draw blood to type and cross me, they couldn’t find a vein.  I had bled out so much in the past 24 hours my veins had collapsed.  Finally my nose bleeds had stopped.  But only because the well had run dry.  At that point I had given up.  I had no strength left, I had no energy. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk, I could barely think.  I was barely hanging on.  (The whole time the baby was fine) They got my blood type from my records, sent me up to ICU and proceeded to pump blood back into my system.  I took 2 full units of blood.

The doctors ordered an MRI hoping to see what the hell was going on, what was causing all these nosebleeds.  With a fresh supply of blood provided by the hospital, my nose bled again.  The doctor came in and said “We can pack it and wait to see if it bleeds again.. or we can operate.” Ok Doc it’s not a matter of IF it will bleed again.. it’s a matter of when.  Let’s operate.

Apparently a blood vessel at the base of my brain had ruptured and there was no way to pack it and force it to clot.  Surgery was required to tie it off.  The risks? As minor as none, as major as dying.  It was at the very base of my brain.  If the doctor was off my a millimeter it could result in temporary blindness, permanent blindness, temporary brain damage, permanent brain damage, or I might not survive at all.  What we did know was if I didn’t have that surgery, I would die.. I would eventually bleed to death. All the other risks seemed minor.

Surgery it was.  In through my mouth and just under my left eyebrow, they went in and tied off the ruptured blood vessel.  I came out of surgery bruised and swollen but not bleeding any more.  The doctors couldn’t tell me why it happened, and couldn’t promise me it wouldn’t happen again.  I have been told my story is in medical journals somewhere.  My pregnancy went full term, and Tate survived the ordeal with no complications.  According to the OB team I had who monitored her throughout the whole ordeal, her vital signs showed she never knew anything was going on.

That was 15 years ago this October.  I haven’t had a nose bleed since.  I went on and was pregnant with Newt and gave birth to her without a single nosebleed.  To this day we don’t know why or how it started.

Happy 14th Birthday Taterbug

14 years ago you changed my our lives. Not just my life, but your Dad’s and even your brother’s lives.

14 years ago you took your own sweet time getting here.  You kept me up all night, doing things at your own pace.  Which is never in a hurry.  Unless it’s shopping?  That? You’re a pro. (Get a job, help pay for that shit you think you have to have!)

You look at the world through hopeful eyes.  You believe in the good in everyone.  Except your younger sister. Unless of course you want to borrow some of her clothes.

My time with you is growing short.  Already you are making noise about learning to drive.  Two short years from now.  Don’t rush the next 24 months.  Once we reach 16? It’s just a blink of an eye and you’re gone.  I’m not done with you  yet.

You have made me proud beyond words.  You excel at everything you put your mind to.  Your grades? Honor Roll.  The teachers and staff at school? Sing your praises.  Your phone? Constantly in use talking to your friends.  I have seen a gymnasium full of classmates stop mid conversation to run over and say HI to you.

You have gone above and beyond with our neighbors. Your patience and kindness has opened new doors for our neighbor by helping him learn to read.

Your sense of humor? Kicks my ass.  You make me laugh every day.  You get it.  You are not afraid to laugh and joke, and you’re more than happy to me the clown just to get a laugh.

You feel deeply.  If someone hurts, you hurt with them.  If they are angry, you’ll pick up your sword and fight beside them.  If someone is being a douchenozzle, you’re right there calling them a douchenozzle. Usually not to their face… but still.

In a strange twist of fate, you have an incredible amount of faith and belief in me. Even when I have little for myself.  And living up to your expectations for me as your mother?  Is what keeps me trying and striving and reaching.

Don’t be in a hurry to grow up, Tate, because I’m not in any hurry to let you go.  We’ll have plenty of time to be friends when you’re older.  Enjoy your teen years now.  Be a kid, laugh, play, dance, sing, live and love.

Because, you are loved.

Happy Birthday Taterbug.