Unless I personally put it in your face, it's none of your business

For those of you who haven’t been with me from the beginning, there will be a short history lesson in today’s post.

For a whole lot of reasons in my history, trust is an issue with me.  (God I hate that sentence.  Trust is an issue. No it’s not.. lack of trust is a problem.)  I don’t trust well, or easily.  But this isn’t really about trust… this is about privacy. Maybe it’s more about respect.

Anyway… to the history lesson.  Shortly after I first met Brian, I let my over active,  non-medicated, bipolar imagination get out of hand and I broke his trust, violated his privacy (or at least tried) and totally disrespected him. (in an ironic twist of fate.. he returned the favor several times… with much success…. but that’s not part of the lesson)

My life is all over the internet, if you know where to look.  Ok, not my entire life, but a lot of my life is plastered everywhere if you want to spend 5 minutes stalking me.  Some parts of my life are very public, some are very private.

Brian always kept his laptop password protected and guarded, and when I thought we were sharing a life together it kind of bothered me that there was this part of his life that was kept from me.

Until yesterday.

Then?  I got it.

Yesterday, I was showing someone this really awesome picture I took last Friday.

Which, if you ask me, is a truly awesome picture.  Apparently Corvettes haul more than ass.

I pulled it up on my iPod Touch, and showed this person.

They reached and took it out of my hand.  I turned to answer the phone.  When I turned back around? They were thumbing though all of my photos on MY iPod Touch.

I immediately took it back from them, asking “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Just looking through your pictures.

Uh, those pictures? Are none of your business.  I didn’t give you permission.

There are some out there who would argue the fact that when I gave him the iPod to look at one picture I implied permission to look at all my pictures.  I call BULLSHIT on that.

Sure, there is nothing illegal about what the person did, it was underhanded and schmarmy and uncool. And at that point I wanted to stab them.  I still want to bitch slap them.

Yesterday I got it.  I got why Brian kept his laptop password protected.  I got why he valued his privacy.  While I put a whole lot of my life on the internet, I don’t put everything out there.  And what I don’t put on the internet, or personally show you?

Is none of your business.

If nobody ever sees it, is it still offensive?

Ali Martel wrote a blog post about a new hot topic floating around the interwebs this week.  Let me state a few important to remember facts first.

1. I have not seen the video.  I have no desire to see the video.  I very seldom watch videos on-line anyway and almost never videos by people I don’t know, or don’t know of.
2. Not having seen the video I also have not seen the comments.  Nor was I witness to the Twitter conversation about said video.
3. I do not personally know Ali, we have never met.  I do enjoy her blog, I read it religiously.  She is 100% entitled to her feelings and her opinions and those? Are never wrong.
4. What I am about to write isn’t about the video, the comments, the Twitter conversation, or Ali’s blog post.  All of those things are just a good jumping off point for what I am going to write.

Apparently someone posted a video on their personal FB page that offended some people.  Happens all around the internet all the time.  Someone is always posting something somewhere, and somewhere else, somebody else gets offended.  Welcome to life.  Let’s be honest.  I am sure there are a lot of my Tweets, and Facebook status that offend people.  Most likely? My family.  Who knows?

Here’s my thoughts.  The video? The chick in it? Possibly thought it was funny. Maybe she knew it could be offensive to some people.  But isn’t it possible she never thought it would be released to the internet at large?  Let me explain.

My family and I have a similar sense of humor.  My friends and I share a similar sense of humor.  Not everyone in the world gets my sense of humor.  It’s possible I would put something on Facebook to share with my family and friends that they would get, they would find funny, but that not everyone else in the world would.  When I put it on Facebook, I post it with the intention of only my family and friends seeing it.

Now, say one of those friends finds it hilarious because they get it.  So? They repost it on their FB page.  And now?  A whole new set of people I don’t even know, has seen something that I meant to share with family and friends.  Now all of a sudden, it’s out of my hands. (truthfully? It was out of my hands the second I published it on Facebook.)

We bloggers?  We understand the concept of writing/posting/sharing with an audience.  We know that we have an entire world of people out there, and we try to be ever mindful of their thoughts and feelings when we write.  Not everyone on the internet is like that. Not everyone gets that everything on the internet can possibly be seen by everyone in the world somehow, someway.  So, while this girl and her friends thought her video was funny, it’s possible they didn’t realize it would get out into the internet beyond their circle of friends.  It’s also possible that they are unaware that some people would be highly offended by the word they used in the comments.  That may very well be a word they use in their vernacular in their small little corner of the world.  (again, playing Devil’s advocate, speculating, using them as an example of a bigger issue) Short sighted on their part? Sure.  Innocent mistake? Ok.

We as bloggers/writers understand the power of the internet.  We understand how far reaching Facebook, and Twitter can be. We have seen it build people up, and tear people down.  Ali, you have every right to be offended.  And every right to voice that opinion.  And I applaud you for writing a well written, thought out, calm, to the point blog post about it, even educating those of us who have never heard that word before.  Bravo.  I just don’t think the girl in the video or her friends could conceive that her video would be seen by people beyond her small little corner of the world.  What is funny to some, is offensive to others.

The comments on the video? Offensive to those who knew what the word meant. Offensive even if you don’t know what the word means.  Like a tree falling in a forest… if nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?  Of course it does.  That word? Offensive, even if nobody ever saw it.

But people did see it.

And that is what we should be ever mindful of.  Everything we put on the internet, on Facebook, on Twitter, on our blogs, on other people’s blogs…it’s out there.  For the entire universe to see.  Regardless of intent,  once it’s online, it’s out of our hands.