Vin Diesel is NOT Captain Jack Sparrow.

I don’t care how big the capital letters are or how many exclamation points you use, disciplining your children via text message? Totally ineffective.

But anyway… last night..

Last night, the girls and I went for Tate’s physical.  She needs one to cheer next year, so the usual.  Afterwards, went to get gas, because clearly a car can’t run on fumes.

On the way to the gas station we see the movie theater is open (it’s small town USA, the movie theater is only open on weekends)  we also see Pirates of the Caribbean was on the marquee, so they beg “Can we stop and see what time it starts and can we go?!?!?!”

So, because I’m an awesome mom, (and because Johnny Depp is HAWT as Captain Jack Sparrow) we stopped.  The movie? 10 minutes in, paid for the tickets ($15 total… What?! Told you it was Small Town USA) and walk in.

Only to see a truck racing a train, and some explosions, and Vin Diesel, and *Ahem* there are no trains in the Caribbean, and Captain Jack Sparrow has hair and eye liner, Vin Diesel? Does not.

We have just paid $15 to watch Fast and The Furious number eleventy billion.  I do NOT want to watch this, BUT I’ve already paid for the tickets, we’ve already walked in, (without making sure Johnny Depp was the eye candy on the screen first..) so I’m embarrassed and I don’t want to watch this movie, and yet I don’t want to walk out and demand my money back AFTER I had just made a big fuss about getting us IN the movie in the first place.

Finally, Tate pipes up…I don’t want to watch this movie Mom, let’s go.  So, now I HAVE to walk out, explain that we didn’t realize it was Vin Diesel on the screen and not Captain Jack Sparrow, and really we’re really sorry, but the girls are all about the Caribbean but not so much the trains and trucks and cars and explosions.

Turns out? It was a FFA school event that we crashed, and then uncrashed.  Yes, I got my money back, but promised to come back this weekend when Johnny Depp WOULD be on the big screen.