Class of 2012

Yesterday, 47 seniors along with parents, family and friends sweated it out in the high school gym as faculty, staff and members of the community said Good Bye and Good Luck to the Class of 2012.

Some two hours away, in a larger city, with a larger graduating class, with an even larger audience of parents, family, and friends, the faculty and staff and members of the community said Good Bye and Good Luck to yet another graduating Class of 2012.

I attended the first ceremony, while my son graduated in the second.

My son, finished high school, walked across the stage and received his diploma yesterday. Without me. Or so I’m guessing.  I have no real way of knowing.  I gave birth to him, and was not allowed to attend this milestone in his life.  I was told if I tried, I would be forced to leave.  So, to avoid embarrassment to my son, even though the scene would not be my fault, it would be played out as if it was, I stayed here.

I stayed here, and watched two of my cheerleaders receive awards and scholarships and their diploma.  I watched the star of our boys basketball team be named Valedictorian, and another basketball star was named Salutatorian. I sat there almost as proud as any parent in the crowd, knowing that two hours away there was a woman sitting in that crowd pretending to by my son’s mother and steal my day, my joy, my pride.

I went to graduation parties afterwards and celebrated with graduates.  I took pictures of families and friends with kids in caps and gowns.  I captured memories for those families, all the while someone else was standing in my place, with my son, making memories that should have been mine.

Today, 47 young adults woke up to not the first day of summer vacation, but the first day of the next chapter of their life. Today, 2 hours away, my son woke up, a graduated senior, woke up with a woman pretending to be his mother.  I wonder if I ever crossed his mind.  I wonder if it ever occurred to him that I love him, I miss him, and I would have been there to show him if only his father wouldn’t have threatened to stop me.

To the Class of 2012, congratulations, and good luck.  To Ian Andrew Ramsey, I wasn’t allowed to be there physically, but oh god, my heart was.  I love you more than you can know, infinitely more than you’ve been told.  I am proud of you. Congratulations Son.