Where I have a little chat with my body.

Dear Body,

I’ve called you all here together because we need to talk.

First I want to say Thank you to my stomach for not rumbling and grumbling and aching the very second you have finished digesting the last morsel of food I gave you.  You won’t die if you don’t have something to work on 24-7.

To my brain, thank you for quicking jumping to something else to think about when I’m bored and food comes across you.  Just because I’m bored (and stomach may or may not be rumbling and grumbling down there) does not mean I have to shove food into my mouth.  There are plenty of other things out there to distract you. Uh, like writing blog posts for here, or You Won’t Go Blind, or even Buy-Her.

To my abs.  Thank you thank you thank you for letting go of all that extra flab I’ve made you carry around.  I’m sure you were glad to see it go.  I am too.  I am also thrilled to see that you are still as trim and flat as ever underneath all that flab.

To my boobs.  Yes, I thank you for your commitment to this weight loss endeavor I’ve embarked on. I thank you for your willingness to be a team player.  I am thrilled that your contribution made the number on the scale get smaller and smaller.  I am not thrilled that with your enthusiasm.  I had gorgeous boobs that I loved and could flaunt a little.  Now?  You all have shrunk.  A lot.  I think you can stop putting forth the effort.  Thank you.

Hips and ass?  Please go take a freaking leason from my boobs.  They jumped on board with this weight loss business and threw away a lot of weight.  A little too much if you ask me.  Why are you so committed to hanging on to the fat?  Frankly, why don’t we see if you could just give it to my boobs.  It would look so much better with them.  What? NO, no, I’m sure they wouldn’t give it away. I’ve had a nice little chat with them.

Ok, legs?  What’s the deal?  I’m walking all over the place, way  more than I used to, and you two?  Are refusing to shape up and grab hold of any sort of muscle tone.  Seriously?  My abs look fabulous… My ankles?  Not so much. And my calves?  I’m afraid cankles are not far off.  Get your shit together.  Seriously.

Overall, Body, I’m impressed and proud of your performance in this weight loss journey.  I’ve started buying some new, cute, skinny clothes to show off the improvements.  We know where there needs to be more work, and who needs to step back and relax.

 

Summer repeats of a different nature

I guess if I was pressed to come up with a good thing to come from losing my entire blog history last week it would have to be that I can recycle ideas and posts and nobody (well, mostly nobody) will know. Ok, and I guess if I had to come up with another good thing to come of losing my history, it would be that while I’m recycling post ideas, I get the opportunity to rewrite some posts, and hopefully write it better this time.

Kristine over at Random and Odd wrote a letter to her 20 year old self from her no longer 20 year old self.   So, I’m stealing it, tweaking it, and making it my own.

Dear Me,

I know they tell you don’t talk to anyone from a different time, because you’ll jack up the time space continuum ala Back to the Future.  I say, whatever.  My life has been pretty jacked up with or without the time space continuum thingy, so I’ll take my chances.

When you’re 13, you will stand in front of a mirror and throw a temper tantrum (which includes throwing a brush) because your hair won’t lay the right way.  Nobody, least of all your family, will understand the degree of anger and frustration you are feeling at that moment.  Don’t worry, you are not a freak, it’s the first sign of BPD but nobody will know that for years.  Just make a note of it.

The guy you meet in 9th grade.. the one who kissed you the night he met you?  Yes, your best friend’s boyfriend.  You will fall head over heels in what you think is love with him.  You will make him the end all and be all of your world for far more than he deserves to be.  Remember that first kiss?  When his heart supposedly belonged to someone else?  Remember that.  He will break your heart over and over again.  Oh, go ahead and marry him, he will be the father of your amazing utterly cool beyond worlds son.  But never forget that he was cheating the night he kissed you.

Somewhere along the way, your self esteem gets trampled on and lost.  Maybe it was the starting a new school freshman year.  Going into high school where you don’t know a soul, especially when you need a bestfriend the most, is difficult.  You will spend far too long looking for it in other people, wanting, believing you need their approval when in fact, all you need is you.

In college will meet a guy who wants to marry you.  Lucky for him, you want to marry him too.  By senior year, he will realize that he has to live his life for him and if you want to live that life with him, you had better keep up.  To you it will look and feel like he just up and left you behind.  You had made taking care of him your life and you were prepared to continue to do that for the rest of your life.  He isn’t prepared to take care of you.  He needs you to be his partner, his equal partner.  Don’t worry about him, he comes back around later.

When you pick up his camera, pay close attention to how comfortable it feels in your hands, and exactly what you see through the view finder.  Don’t be in such a rush to put it down and walk away.  You have a talent, and it is unfair to you and those around you to keep it locked away for years until you happen to stumble over it quite by accident.

Just because a guy asks you to marry him doesn’t mean you have to say yes.  Just because he is the father of your baby doesn’t mean he’s marriage material.  Listen to your heart.  When your standing there having doubts, listen.  Who cares what everyone else thinks and says. It’s your life. Listen.

And that hold true years later when you meet a man on line and your brain tells you it is unlikely and impossible.  Listen to your heart.  The road will not be easy and your head will scream GIVE UP! WALK AWAY! and your heart will whisper “Stay”.  Listen to your heart.   He loves you.  Trust that voice.  Trust him.

Learn to believe in yourself.  You sell yourself short all the time and that makes your life harder than it has to be.  Believe in yourself.  I know it’s hard for you, but he believes in you.  Listen to him, he’s right.  A lot.

You are a great mom.  You do an amazing job.  Don’t let the ex husbands try and convince you otherwise.  They will do all in their power to undermine you, discredit you, make you doubt yourself and steal your children away from you. Don’t let them.  You are a wonderful mom and your children deserve to be raised by you.  Even your son. Especially your son.  Don’t give up on him, and don’t let him give up on you.

If I had to give you one piece of advice it would be listen to your heart and shut out the world around you.  Who cares what everyone says or thinks.  Live your life by your own rules.  Don’t let anyone steal your thunder.  Believe in you.

You’re so worth it.