There are no Cliff Notes for Life Lessons

When my brother got married, his bride was younger than him.  Well, I guess she’s still younger than him.  By younger, I’m not talking a year or two, it was by several years.  (I don’t remember the number, although I think it’s safe to say it’s more than five. The actual age difference isn’t relevant to this story. Oh but he’s not a cradle robber, at least I don’t think he is.)

Ok so anyway, my brother married someone younger than him.  I did too, once upon a time.  But I remember a phone conversation we had, where he was telling me she was doing things he didn’t like.  Such as, when he would be on a trip (for his job) she would go out to the bars with her friends.  He thought it was a waste of money, and she could get into trouble, or hurt.  Why can’t she just stop because I told her it was dangerous and she could get hurt?!?

Because she has to learn that lesson for herself.

And so it is with my girls.

Their lives have been full of the drama these past few weeks.  I am sure they have caused their fair share of it. The story goes something like this….

So and so wrote this about me!

Ok why?

Because I wrote this about her BUT It’s because she said something to them about me.

Somebody says or does something they know the other will react to.  And they do.  And then it’s back and forth all day long until my kid comes home yelling, screaming, crying, slamming doors, pissed off and hurt.

And that hurt part.  That tears at me.  I can allow them to be mad, and vent and rage, although I do have to protect my doors, but when you hurt my girl?

That’s more than my mother heart can take.

Any more, then confronted with hurt feelings, the one who did the hurting always says “I was just kidding!”

What they haven’t learned yet is that “Just Kidding” doesn’t negate the hurt feelings they have caused by their words or their actions. Just kidding doesn’t take the sting away. Just kidding doesn’t undo the mad.  Just kidding isn’t a do over, or a rewind button, or an eraser.  Just kidding is just two words that kids use to absolve themselves of responsibility for their actions, and their guilt.

And letting them learn that on their own?

Is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.

I forgot, high school drama is clearly a matter of life or death

I remember when I was a freshman in high school, Shelley had a crush on Damon, and Holly has a crush on Scott, and the Shelley and Holly got into an argument, and Shelley wanted to have a “wedding” to Damon in the choir room during lunch and have the music teacher perform it.  And Scott made a mixed tape for Holly, and OMG it was high drama and everything was life or death, and people were choosing sides.  And then my mother suggested that maybe I should just step away and not be friends with any of them because clearly I was getting too involved in their personal lives and it was not healthy for me, with all the drama and the stress and I thought she had completely lost her mind because clearly my friends needed me, and how could I just walk away from something this exciting?

Now that I’m a mother of a freshman?  I understand my mother a whole lot better.  (Mom you might want to copy this and save it because I’m not sure how many more times I will ever admit that.)

And so it was last night, when the girls (because clearly Megan has to have her nose in her sister’s business helping to stir the pot and keeping the drama going) were in the middle of some serious life or death drama, my I’ve-been-there-done-that suggestions were going largely ignored, and getting some serious eye rolls.

I know longer know how or when this drama started but it’s been going on most of this school year.  It seems that a girl Meredith has been pretty close to for the past two years has decided to not only turn her back on Meredith, but to be a real bitch about it.  She is  refusing to acknowledge Meredith, slamming her locker in Meredith’s face, and telling Meredith that Mere’s friends really aren’t her friends and they are talking about her behind her back.

To be fair I don’t know this other girl’s side of the story.  I also only know Meredith’s side of the story, and of course she will paint herself in the best possible light.  Maybe there is a reason that she is not talking to my daughter, but the being rude and slamming lockers and just being mean-spirited is unwarranted.  And also, typical high school drama queen behavior.

So last night, all the kids in the neighborhood were hanging out after school.  Meredith asked this other girl “What did I do to piss you off?  What the hell is going on?”

The response?

Rolled eyes, and stormed off.

Meredith never did get an answer.  The other girl wouldn’t even talk to her.

I had to hear Meredith tell me this story over and over and over again.  And when Megan came in, it was more of the same. Over and over again.

Until my head was ready to explode.  Until I could no longer stand the pressure of the stress it was causing them.

Of course, my solution to the problem was just go about your day as if she’s not there.  Don’t try to speak to her, don’t try to engage her, clearly she’s not interested in finding any kind of middle ground, so just let it go. Which clearly they can’t do because this is a matter of life or death.

Except that it’s not, really.

But to them it is.  And will continue to be, until it’s resolved.  And the entire freshman class has been forced to choose sides.

Please pass the vodka.