How I am celebrating February 14th

Today is the day.  The one day I was determined to stay the hell off the internet because frankly, I didn’t want to see all the Tweets, posts, and Facebook status about how wonderful today is.  The problem?  I have reviews and guest posts popping up all over the place so I HAVE to be online pimping myself out.  What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than to announce to the entire internet “I can’t keep a boyfriend, I don’t have a date, but I can write a review about K-Y Personal Lubricant.  I mean who has more experience than me????”

Since I am forced to be online today, I can at least write about how I am celebrating Valentine’s day.  Which is to say?  I’m not.

The Law of Physics states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  The Principal of The Charmed Ones, says that for all the good in the world, there is an equal amount of Evil.  The theory of meeting Prince Charming says you have to kiss a lot of toads.  Ok, not quite the same, but you get my drift.

Mademoiselle Hautemess has come up with a great Holiday for all of us who have been unceremoniously dumped on our ass with a 7 word text the day after Christmas. No I’m not bitter are a bit jaded by the whole idea of love, to celebrate that offsets the hearts and rainbows and unicorns and love and kisses and moopy schmoopy bullshit that all you love invested people are trying to spread around the place.

Her Holiday?

Suck IT!

With this holiday you round up all your friends who are just as jaded, or who like to drink, and have them bring all their emails, cards, love letters, shirts, symbolic trinkets of past loves, people/places/memories/traditions from love gone wrong and offer it all up as a sacrifice by throwing it into a fire.  Sort of like Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel celebrated Valentine’s Day in Season One. Then you stand around singing Kum-Bye-Ya.  Or Leave! Get Out! by JoJo.  Whatever works for you.

So, after reading about this awesome celebration I gathered up all photos, printed all emails, gathered all cards, notes, tickets, memories, hopes, dreams and plans for the future and set out to the field behind my house.

Yeah, I feel much better now.  Happy Suck It! to all my single/jaded/drunk friends.  Happy Valentine’s Day to the rest of you.