I Unfriended Facebook, at least for right now

Dear Facebook, It’s not you, no really, it’s me.  I just need a break.

Dear Facebook, one last thing before I go, can I fire everyone in my life and start over?

That was the end of my day yesterday.  I had had enough of people in my life.  I was tired of the petty crap that had swirling around me, making me a part of it.

I drove home alternating between tears and anger.  By the time I got to the house I had made up my mind that I was just going to step away from Facebook for a week.

After picking up the girls and headed to the grocery store to pick up stuff for dinner, I looked at them in the rear view mirror and asked them, “Do you ever have days when you just wish you could fire everyone in your life, and rehire only the ones you like?”

Last night, I stopped all text notifications from Facebook and I haven’t been to my page at all today.  There was a relief in not having my phone ding at me, and feel the need to answer it only to find out it was Facebook.

It’s not that I don’t love my friends and family on Facebook, I just needed a break.  I was so angry at everyone all the time, for  no real reason, and so, since I can fire everyone in my life, I can at least take a step back from 300 of them.

Before stepping away from Facebook, I cleared out my friend list.  I unfriended and blocked a whole lot of  people.  I do not feel bad about that decision at all. They, if they so desire, can still find my blog, but I won’t be found on Facebook. At least not for a while.

The Stages of Dating According to Ms Batman, (that's me)

I have no real authority on this subject at all.  I mean, really, look at my track record, three strikes, I’m out.

But something struck me last night.  Are there stages of dating?  And if there are, what are they?  So, once again, I went to the keeper of all internet knowledge,  Google,  and typed in “Stages of Dating”  Guess what?  There are people out there who have alphabets behind their name that have opinions on the matter.  Of course sometimes I think if you’ve got alphabets behind your name you probably have an opinion on most things.

So, because I wasn’t all that serious about this, I started with The Five Stages of Dating.  I can handle 5.  (also people, hover over the link, the note? Revealing)  The 5 Stages of Dating, according to this website are:

1. Attraction
2. Uncertainty
3. Exclusivity
4. Intimacy
5. Engagement

Ok, that’s fine, and dandy and, well, frankly bullshit.  Sure, to a person with a lot of letters behind their name, I am sure these are what they think are the stages of dating.  From someone who’s recently been in the trenches, let me set this record straight.

1. Chatting on line Let’s be honest, in this day and age, what with people working eleventy billion hours a week, and working on line at home,  it’s easy to meet people on line and get to know them.  Also? Don’t have to do your hair or shave or change out of your PJ’s. BONUS!
2. Hanging out  This happens after spending hours, days, weeks chatting on line and get to know each other.  When you feel you know the person well enough and are interested enough to actually want to do your hair, shave your legs, and wear something besides your PJ’s.
3. Dating  Once it’s been established he has a job, and can afford to take you out to some place besides the park, the zoo, or the nearest coffee shop, you go on a few actual dates.  Dates that include but are not limited to, him picking you up, and going out to dinner at a place that does not have value meals.  It is required that you do your hair, shave your legs and hide your PJ’s.
4. Friending each other on Facebook This is when you’re ready to let him see some of the crazy, although once you friend him on Facebook, you immediately take down all pictures and untag yourself in your friends’ pictures of you looking anything less than stunning.
5. More than dating, but not a full blown couple yet  Yeah, I’m not sure exactly what this means either.    Although I’m pretty sure it includes sex along the way, but I’m not real clear on the regularity of that. Also?  Hair and PJ’s optional.  Shaving legs? NOT OPTIONAL
6. Boyfriend/Girlfriend This is the same as exclusivity, which by the way sounds like a totally made up word. This is when you both agree that you won’t spend your idle time laughing at the losers still on the dating sites unless you’re together and can both laugh at them.  This is when you buy new cute boyfriend worthy PJ’s but continue to do your hair and shave your legs.  What?! A girl has an image to uphold until he puts that ring on her finger.
7. Changing your relationship status on Facebook  Ok this one is tricky.  It’s a public acknowledgement that you two are together and right now that is the most awesome of all things awesome.  But there might come a day when things aren’t so awesome between the two of you and if one of you ends things, then it will also be public knowledge that you two broke up.  You only have to look to Hollywood divorces and break-ups to see just how ugly this can be.
8. Engagement  I’ve heard about this phase, but since I’ve only been engaged once, and that was just because the stick turned blue, (and then it was a short engagement.. 2  months) I don’t know much about it.  Other than I have no plans to ever reach this stage ever again.

With all these hoops to jump through, is it any wonder I’m going to stay single?

 

If nobody ever sees it, is it still offensive?

Ali Martel wrote a blog post about a new hot topic floating around the interwebs this week.  Let me state a few important to remember facts first.

1. I have not seen the video.  I have no desire to see the video.  I very seldom watch videos on-line anyway and almost never videos by people I don’t know, or don’t know of.
2. Not having seen the video I also have not seen the comments.  Nor was I witness to the Twitter conversation about said video.
3. I do not personally know Ali, we have never met.  I do enjoy her blog, I read it religiously.  She is 100% entitled to her feelings and her opinions and those? Are never wrong.
4. What I am about to write isn’t about the video, the comments, the Twitter conversation, or Ali’s blog post.  All of those things are just a good jumping off point for what I am going to write.

Apparently someone posted a video on their personal FB page that offended some people.  Happens all around the internet all the time.  Someone is always posting something somewhere, and somewhere else, somebody else gets offended.  Welcome to life.  Let’s be honest.  I am sure there are a lot of my Tweets, and Facebook status that offend people.  Most likely? My family.  Who knows?

Here’s my thoughts.  The video? The chick in it? Possibly thought it was funny. Maybe she knew it could be offensive to some people.  But isn’t it possible she never thought it would be released to the internet at large?  Let me explain.

My family and I have a similar sense of humor.  My friends and I share a similar sense of humor.  Not everyone in the world gets my sense of humor.  It’s possible I would put something on Facebook to share with my family and friends that they would get, they would find funny, but that not everyone else in the world would.  When I put it on Facebook, I post it with the intention of only my family and friends seeing it.

Now, say one of those friends finds it hilarious because they get it.  So? They repost it on their FB page.  And now?  A whole new set of people I don’t even know, has seen something that I meant to share with family and friends.  Now all of a sudden, it’s out of my hands. (truthfully? It was out of my hands the second I published it on Facebook.)

We bloggers?  We understand the concept of writing/posting/sharing with an audience.  We know that we have an entire world of people out there, and we try to be ever mindful of their thoughts and feelings when we write.  Not everyone on the internet is like that. Not everyone gets that everything on the internet can possibly be seen by everyone in the world somehow, someway.  So, while this girl and her friends thought her video was funny, it’s possible they didn’t realize it would get out into the internet beyond their circle of friends.  It’s also possible that they are unaware that some people would be highly offended by the word they used in the comments.  That may very well be a word they use in their vernacular in their small little corner of the world.  (again, playing Devil’s advocate, speculating, using them as an example of a bigger issue) Short sighted on their part? Sure.  Innocent mistake? Ok.

We as bloggers/writers understand the power of the internet.  We understand how far reaching Facebook, and Twitter can be. We have seen it build people up, and tear people down.  Ali, you have every right to be offended.  And every right to voice that opinion.  And I applaud you for writing a well written, thought out, calm, to the point blog post about it, even educating those of us who have never heard that word before.  Bravo.  I just don’t think the girl in the video or her friends could conceive that her video would be seen by people beyond her small little corner of the world.  What is funny to some, is offensive to others.

The comments on the video? Offensive to those who knew what the word meant. Offensive even if you don’t know what the word means.  Like a tree falling in a forest… if nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?  Of course it does.  That word? Offensive, even if nobody ever saw it.

But people did see it.

And that is what we should be ever mindful of.  Everything we put on the internet, on Facebook, on Twitter, on our blogs, on other people’s blogs…it’s out there.  For the entire universe to see.  Regardless of intent,  once it’s online, it’s out of our hands.