An Job Application of Sorts

As I happened to mention in my previous post, I am now gainfully unemployed.  Yes, gainfully.  I am nothing if not optimistic.  I am currently looking for a job.  Clearly.  So I thought I’d start my job search on line.  After all, what could be aiming any lower than being unemployed?

Dear Aiming Low,

It’s been four months exactly, since I sent an email asking to join the Staff at Aiming Low.  I can only assume, given the influx of new talent as of late, that my email got lost in the shuffle or you haven’t gotten to it yet.  That’s ok.  I’m sending a new one.

See, in my first email, I suggested that maybe attaching a picture of my boobs would help with the application process.  That was four months ago.  I have since lost some weight, and my boobs?  Just like the old grey mare, they ain’t what they used to be.  BUT! Do not despair.  I have an amazing friend who said she would do anything in her power for me.  Bury bodies, provide alibis, oh wait those don’t sound like selling points.  Never mind. Anyway my friend Laci has some amazing fully paid for boobs.  Yes, I’ve seen them, up close and in a women’s bathroom.  At work. (no, she is not the reason I don’t have a job. Neither are her boobs) She would send a picture of *her* boobs (which are way better than mine anyway).

If you’re looking for references, let me offer two you already have on staff. Miss Britt, and Jessica Bern. I have worked with Britt, at Buy-Her.  Of course, now that she’s on The Great American Road Trip, she doesn’t write at Buy-Her much anymore.  Neither do I, to be honest.  I was really great right out of the gate, but I kinda tapered off because of the drama in my life, and lack of medication.  Rest assured, I am well medicated and I don’t care about the drama any more.

If you go to my blog, you might not want to read the most recent posts, you know, because the source of most of my drama was being a total douchenozzle and I was exercising my inner demons on line.  But now that he’s gone, I’ll be bringing funny back much like Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back. (a gratuitous JT mention goes a long way)

Also on your staff, Jessica Bern. Back in April, I left a comment on Jessica’s blog Bern This, about how I absolutely loved her vlogs and while I never watched videos at work (hello!? At work!) I watched hers because she was so fucking hilarious how could I not.  I told her, “I could very well get fired for watching your vlogs at work, or having to replace my monitors too many times from coffee spit on them.  So, in the event I get fired, can I come work with you?”  “(Hello, Jessica? Yeah, HI! Unemployed!  You kinda owe me this.  Yeah, not unemployed b/c of your videos though, does that make a difference?)

As for any kind of compensation for my work, if you read my blog, you will find that clearly I am cheap.  After all, I sold my soul for a mere $20 pair of stilettos. I am willing to work for cheap (read free) because the street cred alone is worth way more.  In fact, I’m sure if I put “Contributing author at Aiming Low” on my resume’ I could probably have a job by Wednesday.

I will forward a copy of my resume upon request, but I don’t see how that will make much of a difference.  I truly believe that my writing speaks for itself.  I will be sitting by my laptop most of the day today if you need me for an interview.

(Hint: To get the full level of funny, hover over the links… that’s where the comedy gold is.)

Sincerely,

I can't not find words to adequately express my thanks

I can not begin to find the words to adequately express my thanks to all my readers.

I got a message from Melissa today, at You Won’t Go Blind, offering me a writer position at that website instead of just a guest poster.

She said that my first article there, is still getting lots of reviews and she asked if I would be interested in submitting articles on a regular basis.

And with that simple message?  I saw more of my dream come true.

So for those of you who followed me over there for one day? Pack a bag, you’ll be following me over there more and more.

I took another step towards my dreams coming true.  And I owe a huge part of it to you.

Please go show me some love, just keep the crazy to yourself

Remember a few days (maybe weeks) ago when I said that Melissa had lost her mind and agreed to let me write a few blog posts for You Won’t Go Blind?

I went live today.

With rules for dating parents.

No, not rules for how to date parents,  rules for parents who are dating again.

So, please, go over to You Won’t Go Blind and check me out.  Leave me some love.  Show Melissa I can bring a whole lot of new readers to the place, just like my milkshakes bring the boys to the yard.

Oh, and don’t mention my dating history.

She doesn’t need to know that yet.

Thanks.

Because nothing screams dating expert like a twice divorced recently dumped single mom of two. Clearly.

I happen to be hanging out on Facebook when I saw Melissa say that yes, it was true, You Won’t Go Blind was looking for new writers if anyone was interested to contact her.

I thought it would be fun, so I fired off a message with links to here, and Buy-Her.com and said I was interested in being considered.  You know because nothing screams relationship expert quite as loudly as a twice divorced, recently dumped, now back in the dating world at the ripe age of 40+, mother of two almost teenage daughters.  I know exactly what I’m talking about. Clearly.

When I happened to mention this new adventure to a couple of my co-workers, after they stopped laughing long enough to take a breath, they asked me “So, has this woman ever met you?”   Well, clearly, no.  If she had?  I’d would have never been given this opportunity.

Of course, now, I can go on dates and consider it research.  As one friend pointed out “You can be St. Louis’s version of Carrie Bradshaw.”  Because that’s exactly what St. Louis needs.  Clearly.

In all seriousness, I can bring to the table knowledge about blending families, single parent dating, dating over the age of 40, on line dating (that’s where/how I met Brian, and regardless of where we are now (Splitsville, barely speaking Splitsville) we dated for 4 years) and unblending families.

I don’t have anything posted there yet, but believe me as soon as I do?  You all will be the first to know about it. I would appreciate it if you all would then spread the word and show me some love because I don’t want Melissa to regret giving me this chance.  I think it will be awesome beyond words and I need some support and love.  PLEASE.  We’ll keep the crazy from her until she realizes just how Awesome I am.

I think NIKE was in charge of the internets yesterday

My last post I may have mentioned that I might like to be a writer some day when I grow up.  Miss Britt said there is exactly one way to become a writer…. write.

It sounds so simple.  Just write.  I mean, that’s what I want to do, so why not just do it?

Then Aunt Becky writes Why I do what I do, about why she blogs.  But not just why she blogs, but why she blogs the way she does.   It seems that the ‘life blogs’ are a dying breed.  Blogs about real life.    About laughter, love, joy, sadness, tears, fears, embarrassments, failures, successes…. life.

My blog is just that.  It’s me, uncensored.  It’s my life.  I’d say unfiltered, but it’s filtered, it’s put through a spin cycle or two.  There are some things I’m too embarrassed to admit without some degree of spin.  But for the most part, This blog is (was when the archives were here.. will be again, when the archives are rebuilt) real.

Sure I don’t have a huge following.  Hell, Ill be honest, I would love to have more readers.  But I know that, like Britt said, “If you build it, they will come.”  If I write a blog worth reading I will have readers.  I just have to keep in the forefront of my mind, I’m not writing for an audience.  I write because I have to.  If I’m not writing here, I’m writing in notebooks, pen to paper, by hand.

Then, Dad Gone Mad, comes up with his 500 word a day challenge.  (The interwebs were apparently trying to tell me something yesterday.)  Again, there was the whole “Don’t just talk about it, sit down and just do it” message.  (The internet must have a contract with NIKE.)

Ok, so I get it. I hear you.  I get the message.  If I want to be a writer, the first step, the most important step is to shut up, stop talking about it and just start writing.  Of course it’s not going to be Pulitzer worthy.  It doesn’t have to be.  It’s not supposed to be.   All it has to be is, well, me.  Mine.  My voice.  My story.  My words.

There are no ads on my blog.  I don’t have enough readers to justify putting ads on here.  They wouldn’t make me any money, and they would just clutter up my side bar.  I don’t do reviews mainly because I’ve never been asked. I’ve never asked anyone if I could.  I’ve never put it out there that it is anything I’m even interesting in doing.  I don’t even know the first step to take to do that.  But I don’t want a review blog.  I don’t want to sell things.  I make no bones about my ability to sell.

I can’t.

Not even a dollar for 50 cents.

Not even a bottle of water in the Sahara.

It’s important to know your limitations.  I know I can’t sell.   I know that I can be a photographer if I put my mind to it and put in more practice.  And so with a lot of determination, I am going to be a writer.

500 words a day.

Every day.

Today, is day one.