The Stages of Dating According to Ms Batman, (that's me)

I have no real authority on this subject at all.  I mean, really, look at my track record, three strikes, I’m out.

But something struck me last night.  Are there stages of dating?  And if there are, what are they?  So, once again, I went to the keeper of all internet knowledge,  Google,  and typed in “Stages of Dating”  Guess what?  There are people out there who have alphabets behind their name that have opinions on the matter.  Of course sometimes I think if you’ve got alphabets behind your name you probably have an opinion on most things.

So, because I wasn’t all that serious about this, I started with The Five Stages of Dating.  I can handle 5.  (also people, hover over the link, the note? Revealing)  The 5 Stages of Dating, according to this website are:

1. Attraction
2. Uncertainty
3. Exclusivity
4. Intimacy
5. Engagement

Ok, that’s fine, and dandy and, well, frankly bullshit.  Sure, to a person with a lot of letters behind their name, I am sure these are what they think are the stages of dating.  From someone who’s recently been in the trenches, let me set this record straight.

1. Chatting on line Let’s be honest, in this day and age, what with people working eleventy billion hours a week, and working on line at home,  it’s easy to meet people on line and get to know them.  Also? Don’t have to do your hair or shave or change out of your PJ’s. BONUS!
2. Hanging out  This happens after spending hours, days, weeks chatting on line and get to know each other.  When you feel you know the person well enough and are interested enough to actually want to do your hair, shave your legs, and wear something besides your PJ’s.
3. Dating  Once it’s been established he has a job, and can afford to take you out to some place besides the park, the zoo, or the nearest coffee shop, you go on a few actual dates.  Dates that include but are not limited to, him picking you up, and going out to dinner at a place that does not have value meals.  It is required that you do your hair, shave your legs and hide your PJ’s.
4. Friending each other on Facebook This is when you’re ready to let him see some of the crazy, although once you friend him on Facebook, you immediately take down all pictures and untag yourself in your friends’ pictures of you looking anything less than stunning.
5. More than dating, but not a full blown couple yet  Yeah, I’m not sure exactly what this means either.    Although I’m pretty sure it includes sex along the way, but I’m not real clear on the regularity of that. Also?  Hair and PJ’s optional.  Shaving legs? NOT OPTIONAL
6. Boyfriend/Girlfriend This is the same as exclusivity, which by the way sounds like a totally made up word. This is when you both agree that you won’t spend your idle time laughing at the losers still on the dating sites unless you’re together and can both laugh at them.  This is when you buy new cute boyfriend worthy PJ’s but continue to do your hair and shave your legs.  What?! A girl has an image to uphold until he puts that ring on her finger.
7. Changing your relationship status on Facebook  Ok this one is tricky.  It’s a public acknowledgement that you two are together and right now that is the most awesome of all things awesome.  But there might come a day when things aren’t so awesome between the two of you and if one of you ends things, then it will also be public knowledge that you two broke up.  You only have to look to Hollywood divorces and break-ups to see just how ugly this can be.
8. Engagement  I’ve heard about this phase, but since I’ve only been engaged once, and that was just because the stick turned blue, (and then it was a short engagement.. 2  months) I don’t know much about it.  Other than I have no plans to ever reach this stage ever again.

With all these hoops to jump through, is it any wonder I’m going to stay single?

 

I'm not here today, I'm at my OTHER place, You Won't Go Blind

Follow this link to my post over at You Won't Go Blind

It’s been just shy of four months since I got that fateful text message ending my four year relationship with Brian.  Yes, already, four months.

I’m back in the dating pool again. Something I swore I would never do.  Apparently I lied.  I’m back on Dating websites looking for Mr. You’ll do until Prince Charming comes along on his white stallion.  Because we all know that Prince Charming? Won’t waste his time on dating websites.   Wait, maybe I don’t want Prince Charming.  I mean, he’s been married three times already (Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Cinderella.  Who all divorced him due to his uncontrollable womanizing and Hero Complex. Clearly)

Anyway, in the past four months, I have come up with a list of prerequisites for your dating profile if you want to date me.  I wrote about them over at You Won’t Go Blind.

Please, go show me some love?  I’m not finding it on the dating websites. Clearly.

 

 

Changing my mind set in the dating game

This dating business?

Sucks.

Seriously.  I know why we do this crap when we’re younger.

Because we can.

Because when we’re young, and the guy turns out to be a douchenozzle, or he blows you off, or stands you up, or disappears, or lied on his profile, or the date just sucks we truly believe “Heh, he’s the problem. Not me.”

Now that I’m older, and dating again?

Not so easy to sell myself that same bullshit. Even if it isn’t bullshit.

I haven’t blogged about it, but I’ve made no secret of it on Twitter, that a few weeks (months? really? has it been that long?) I went back to the dating website where I met Brian.  (What? It’s free!)  I’m not looking for my Prince Charming. He won’t be fishing anyway.  But it would be nice to have someone to hang out with so I don’t spend all my weekends at home alone.  Or out on the town alone.  Or drive my friends bat-shit crazy begging them to entertain me.

I made a few quick changes to my profile, added a new picture, and waited without any real expectations.  I didn’t wait long.  Hello?!? New fish in the sea, fresh meat. Everyone’s coming out to check out the new chick.  (Even a couple of girls. WOOt! Everyone wants a piece of me!) A lot of young guys, looking to hook up (ignore), a lot of ain’t-no-way-in-hell guys looking way out of their league (ignore), a few I talked to, but just didn’t feel any real need or want to talk to them on the phone or in person, and a couple I actually talked to on the phone, and a couple I actually met.

One guy in particular had some potential.  His profile had the same sense of humor I have.  I got it. I thought he gets it.  We exchanged a few messages, and then phone numbers.  Our first phone conversation was an hour long.  He’s on Twitter and Facebook (no I never went looking for him).  We exchanged real-life email addresses and emails and a few more phone calls… and then?

Gone.

Radio Silent.

His profile said “I’m taking a break. Good luck to all of you still fishing.”

But nothing to me. No phone call, no email. no text message.

I am not heartbroken over this. I figure this is part of the game.  Maybe he found someone he really connected with.  I wish him the best of luck, truly. But couldn’t he have told me that instead of falling off the face of the earth?

Or maybe he was abducted by aliens.

Or, when he got my real-life email address, he looked at my google profile, which links to my Twitter, Facebook, here, my review blog, and well, from there? It’s just follow the flashing neon lights to find out way more about me than you ever dreamed you wanted to know.

Of course, I figured, *that* had to be it.  That had to be the reason why he fell (or jumped) off the face of the earth.  He read my blog, he found my Facebook page, and my Flickr account, and everything else I have on line…

And ran scared.

Or jumped.

It took a little bit for me to realize how destructive that line of thinking was.  So what if he ran (or jumped) because of what he found?  What he found is a version of me.  Sometimes a cartoon version of me, but still… a version of me.  If he couldn’t handle it, didn’t like it, or was intimidated (yeah, that’s what it was… intimidation) he’s not the right guy.

I was all this on-line with Brian…oh wait, bad example.  That didn’t work out.

Ok, I have a lot of friends who know me in real life, and know the me that is on line and they like both versions of me.  But when push came to shove, when things fizzled, my first thought was “What was wrong with ME?” and it should have been “What the hell is wrong with him?” or “Oh, well, he just doesn’t get me.  Next!”

I had a date this weekend.  With a guy. Saturday night.  And I didn’t drink any alcohol.  (thanks Petron) The date? Almost perfect.  All on my own.  Without my best friend tequila.  And if this one doesn’t work out either?

I’ll be batting about average.