Questions and Answers About Jail

I’ve been asked a few questions by family and friends since I’ve been out, about what it was like to be in jail.  I am sure there are a lot more people who have a lot more questions, but who don’t want to ask for any number of reasons.  I could write blog posts about each place, but they would seem so clinical, this way, it just gets it all out there.  If you have a question I don’t answer here, feel free to email me or ask in the comments.

What is jail like? In a word? Jail.  Each one is different.  There were some basics that were the same everywhere; lights out/television off at 10:30. Food sucked.  Minimal privacy (you swallow your pride quickly), and nobody looks good in orange. The universal truth is ‘We’re all in jail. Let’s get along to pass the time. I’ll respect you, you respect me.”  One of the things you learn early on, is that no matter how bad you think your particular situation sucks, there is always someone in jail who has it way worse than you.  Oh, and everyone is a jail house lawyer.

Did you have a cell to yourself? At times, yes.  I was in 4 different county jails.  (Never prison, just jail) and of the 4, two had cells, 2 didn’t.  When I got to a new cell, there was already a cellmate there, but they left like the next day.  Both times, I would have a cell to myself until the day before I left.  Some people had the same cellmate the entire time they were there. In fact, Casey and Kelly had been cellmates for 4 months, and their cell looked more like a college dorm room than a jail cell.

Were you in County Jail, or PRISON? I was in County jail. 4 of them to be exact.  But in every single one of them, there were girls waiting to go to prison.  I learned that prison, after the first 30 days, is considered easier than jail.  In prison, you can buy soda, and cigarettes, you can have your own television in your cell, you can work and get paid, you can go outside (in the yard)

Were you allowed to communicate with family other than writing? Oh sure, you can make phone calls all day long, but they are all collect calls.  That’s not entirely true.  You can buy ‘phone cards’ from the jail, or some places use phone systems that allows your family to buy phone time for you which means the calls are still expensive, but cheaper than collect.  Collect calls cost $9.99 for a 7 minute phone call.  I only made 2 phone calls, A) because they were super expensive, and B) I wanted minimal contact with ‘outside’ because it was easier that way.  Plus, there was visitation, some places had visitation every week, others it was every other week.  If anyone had showed up, I would have refused to see them. I didn’t want anyone to see me in jail. Nobody.

Did you make any ‘friends’ or at least alliances? You can’t be locked in the same room with other women and not make friends.  But we all knew we were just jail house friends.  That if we had seen each other out on the street, we wouldn’t be friends.  We used the saying “The buddy shit ends at the door”.  They were all important and meant a lot to me, while I was in jail.  They helped me get through it, but I don’t think we’ll be hosting any jail mate reunions or sending each other Christmas cards.  We all exchanged emails, and Facebook names, and Twitter handles.  I haven’t heard from any one of them.  There were some girls in there, who had been in for a while, or knew they were going to be there a while, and well, they were ‘gay for the stay’.  Everyone needs a little love and affection and attention now and then.

Was it as bad as I’m imagining? Probably not.  The first 48 hours are hell.  It’s like withdraw, cold turkey.  One minute you’re free to do/go where ever you want, to see and talk and call family and friends, and the next, you have very little freedom and the outside world is gone.  So you go through a 48 hour detox, adjusting to the reality of you’re in jail.  It takes a little longer to stop fighting to find a way to get out faster.  Once you just accept that you’re going to have to sit a minute, and wait it out, and ride through the system at the system’s pace, it gets easier.  I was never outside unless being transported to court or a new county.  I never looked outside any of the windows because it was easier to not think about outside.  I had to live in the moment.  I couldn’t think about what my family and friends were doing.  I couldn’t think about what I was missing (Father’s Day, my birthday, 4th of July).  That could all be faced and dealt with once I was out.  All I could think about was getting through each day.

What did you do to pass the time? There are limited options to kill time in jail.  One girl went to the doctor every single day (at $10 a pop) just to get out of the pod for a change.  There was a television in the day room and it was on from 8:00 AM to 10:30 PM.  Majority rules when deciding what to watch.  Or, in one jail, each cell got the remote for a day, and they were in charge of what to watch.  There were books to read, you could sleep, play cards, or write letters (if you had paper and pen).

What were you given when you were booked in?  The basics.  2 sets of orange tops/pants, 2 white tees (always 8 sizes too big), 3 pair of underwear (always brand new), 2 pair of socks, 1 pair of boxers, and a pair of shoes.  You were also given a mat (about 3 inches thick and hard as wood) and a mattress cover (sheet) and a blanket.  A toothbrush (3” long), the nastiest toothpaste ever, a bar of soap (hotel bar soap size) and a comb.  Some gave a bottle of baby shampoo, others didn’t.  We were given disposable razors on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, for about 2 hours.  They checked your name when you took it, and checked you off when you returned it.

What was the food like? I don’t really know because I ate so very little of it.  I learned early on that everyone wanted what I didn’t eat, so I could use it to trade for things.  I would trade my bread from every meal to Ashley who would in turn, give me a cup of coffee every day.  (jail coffee is instant, and decaf, and gross, but it’s coffee).  I could give Scoob my tray and she would find me some paper and a pen, or an envelope with a stamp.  For $5.00 worth of phone time to call her boyfriend, Nicole gave me half her peanut butter that she got for her night snack (she was diabetic).  I usually only ate 1 thing from every meal, and there may have been only 5 meals out of 23 days, that I ate the entire meal.

What is Commissary? If you have money on  your books, every week you can ‘go shopping’.  You can place a commissary order for shampoo and conditioner, candy, kool aid mix, instant coffee, paper, pens, envelopes with stamps, among other things.  It is ridiculously expensive, but a bite of chocolate, or even a cup of really crappy instant coffee is heaven.

How long were you in, and what’s it like to be home? I was brought in on June 15th at approximately 8:30 PM, after being pulled over.  I was released on July 8th at approximately 12:15 PM.  Roughly 23 days. When you’re inside you focus solely on being inside, and getting through the days.  I allowed ‘outside’ to occupy a small part of my head.  It was there, in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t focus on it.  I knew I was going to be bonded out 24 hours before I actually left.  So I had to spend 24 hours in jail, knowing I was just hours away from being free.  Those were some long ass hours.  But once I was out, (and the girls’ dad was there to pick me up, that man is a saint, and I probably should marry him again just to make up for all he did for me.) it was really overwhelming.  It was like waking up from a coma, where everything was familiar and yet somehow different.  The girls and I went grocery shopping and I walked the aisles, and thought, I don’t even know what I need to buy besides milk, eggs, and bread.  I don’t even know what to cook, or make for dinner.

A Happy New Year indeed

As 2008 draws to a close, I sit here remembering what a roller coaster ride it’s been.  But here I am, survived this year.  With one last thing hanging out there… The girls’ custody.

That is until I went by the house and checked the mail.  There it was.  The letter from the court.  I was sure that when it came I would want Batman by my side when I opened it.  I was convinced I would need him to read it so sure was I that I wouldn’t be able to deal with the news it held.

Standing there tonight, holding that letter, I knew.  I opened the door, I sat on the edge of my bed, and opened the letter.  I scanned the letter, looking for signs of what it held.  When no deamons jumped out at me, I read it slowly, carefully.

After due consideration, Court finds insufficient evidence to conclude that there has been a substantial change in circumstances such as to support a modification of the prior decree.  The Motion to Modify has been denied.”

That means that tomorrow when the girls come home, they will be coming home.  This means that I still have sole custody of the girls, and that he still owes me child support.  Owes me as far back as June.  And he’s unemployed.  I’ll get it somehow. I always do.  That means that I stood before that judge with nothing but the truth, and stood against Slug and his Cunt of a Lawyer, and I won.  Much like David slayed Goliath, I slayed this dragon.

So, I will celebrate tonight, the end of a very long hard year, full of hard to learn lessons, but I’m getting better.  I’m getting it together and now, I can continue to get it together.  There was insufficient evidence to conclude there has been a substantial change in circumstances such as to support a modification.

Batman told me two years ago… When have you ever gone into court against him, and not come out of there with every thing you want?  The answer to that is..never.

Happy New Years!

Jail Chronicles, Chapter Fourteen

Released.

I barely allow myself to believe it.  I know I still have to go back to G-pod, and pack my things.  They will be calling my name to bunk and junk.  I am not the only one going home that day, and I tell myself I can wait it out, and let everyone go first.

Once back in the pod, there is much celebration and I Told You So’s at the news I have been released.  I head straight to my cell and pack up everything I own.  A box full of papers, and the property I was issued.  It seems as if everyone else is leaving first. I finally beg Peggy “Please, I want to go home”

She calls my name and says the magical phrase, which is really silly, she knows I’m standing at the door packed.  I grab my things, walk up front and wait among the others as my papers are processed.  I am given my clothes and allowed to change into them.  I hand over my oranges, glad to be rid of them.  My clothes are loose on me now, and wrinkled and no longer appropriate, but there is not a trace of orange on them.

I am handed my paperwork, my purse, and escorted out to the lobby.  I am within feet of freedom.  Just beyond the double set of doors.  I stop on my way out to buy a soda and I walk out the door into the sunshine. 

I sit on the curb, drinking my soda, enjoying the sunshine, the caffeine and the freedom. I turn on my phone, and ignore all the messages.  I have just three phone calls I want to make. I dial his number. I don’t know if he’s at work, if he’s home, if he can come get me, or even if he’ll answer the phone, but I call, if for no other reason than to hear his voice.

I call Batman. 

Batman: Hey
Me: What are you doing?
Batman: I’m getting ready to leave..
Me: Where are you going?
Batman: Home.
Me: Would you come get me and take me home too?
Batman: Where are you?
Me: Free.
Batman: I’m on my way.

I am free, and going home.

.

 

Jail Chronicles, Chapter Thirteen

You don’t sleep well in jail, and when you do sleep you don’t dream much. You certainly don’t dream of home.  But last night my mind had done nothing but run over a never ending list of things I needed to do once I got out of here.

It is Wednesday, May 21.  Today is my arraignment.  I will stand before the judge today, have my charges read to me, and ask for a bail reduction. Or maybe to be released on my own recognizance.  I don’t even dare to hope.

They call the girls for morning court.  My name is not on the list.  What if my name isn’t on the afternoon list either?  What if the judge says no?  I can’t even begin to think that going home today might actually happen.  And yet, in the back of my mind is the thought, the hope, I will talk to Batman today, I will call my girls, I will sleep in my own bed.  But I never allow any of those thoughts to take hold.  If I have learned nothing else while I’ve been here I have learned that nothing is certain, and nothing is guaranteed.

Lunch comes and there is no way I can eat.  I pace the upper tier, and worry.  I don’t dare even pack so much as a piece of paper, afraid that any outward sign I think I’m going home will jinx it and I’ll be stuck here forever.

A CO comes to the pod door, calls my name. Inside I am frozen with fear, outwardly I walk to the door as if it’s no big deal.  He hands me a stack of papers.  I look at them and realize the girls’ dad has filed a motion for custody.  I had always half expected it, but to see it here in black and white is a gut punch I’m not sure I can handle.  I blow it off as casually as I can, telling myself there is nothing I can do today. Tomorrow I can think about it. Today is all I can do.

The CO comes for the afternoon court transfer, and I am on this list.  I line up with all the others, and wait as we are all cuffed and shackled to walk from one building to the other.  For a minute, I am outside again, shackled to other inmates, but still, outside. This time there is sun, but I can’t allow myself to enjoy it.  I can only be in the minute, and I can  only focus on getting to court and in front of the judge.

Everyone around me is so sure I’ll go home, I am still just too afraid to hope, let alone believe.

And then, they call my name. I am led through a door, to stand before the judge.  He asks my name, mumbles something about my charges and some other things to the gentlemen standing beside me and we’re done.  I had to stop and ask the judge, “Your Honor, what just happened?” 

“You have been OR’d, you are being released”

I am going home.