I live with Bert and Ernie only with vaginas.

People? This is the best Bert and Ernie book. Ever. It was one of my sister’s favorites when she was a child.  Ok, I don’t know that for a fact. It was one of MY favorites when she was a child.

If you haven’t read it, (and clearly most of you probably haven’t) it’s the story of how Ernie bought some cookies but broke the cookie jar, so he has to put the cookies in the sugar bowl, and the sugar in a flower-pot, and one thing leads to another ending with the fish in Bert’s cowboy hat.  So Bert has to wear a pot on his head when he wants to play “Ride ’em cowboy.”   People? That is a direct quote, do not laugh at me.

This weekend, the girls and I stopped at Sonic on our way back from The Lake. (who we were with is a blog post for another day).  A few miles down the road,  the following conversation took place in the back seat of the car.

Newt: Here, Tate, Hold your Sonic food.

Tate:  Why should I hold my Sonic food?

Newt: Because I have to put my food in your Sonic Bag.

Tate:  Why can’t you put your food in your bag?

Newt: Because mine has a soda in it.

Tate: Why does your bag have a soda in it?

Newt: Because the cup holder is full.

Tate: The cup holder is full?  Of what?

Newt: Books.

Tate: What?  Why are their books in the cup holder?

Newt: Because I don’t want them on the floor on my feet.

Tate: So what I supposed to do with my Sonic food if you’re using my bag?

Newt: Hold it on your lap?

People?  I can not make this shit up.

Happy Birthday Newt!

I have sat here staring at a blank screen all weekend waiting for my muse to show up and grace me with a fantabulous topic to blog about, but the bitch never showed up.  So, my blog sat ignored all weekend long.  Which isn’t such a bad thing, after all, the internet is closed on weekends. Right?

So then we come to Monday.  Today. Columbus Day in the States and Thanksgiving for our neighbors to the North.  Either way, it’s a holiday and that bitch muse of mine? Still MIA.

That’s ok.  I’ll just take this time and space to say that 11 years ago today I got the best surprise of my life.  11 years ago today, my youngest, Newt was born.  She was a surprise, as in I was done having kids but some higher power had other plans for my uterus for 9 months.

She has always marched to the beat of her own damn drum, bending rules, doing things her way on her schedule and making me proud.  She has guts and gumption and a fearlessness I never possessed at her age or even at twice her age.  She knows what she wants and what she doesn’t.  She is sure of herself and I am jealous.

She is brilliant and witty, hilarious, and helpful, she’s beautiful in her own way and while she doesn’t appreciate it yet, those of us who know and love her do and trust that she will too in time.  She shares my early mornings with me, often sitting in the bathroom with me while I get ready for work.  Early mornings have always been our time, and even now, 11 years later, they still are.

Happy Birthday Newt.  You have brought much laughter, love, sunshine, smiles and fun into the past 11 years, I can only imagine what wild ride the next 11 years will be.

Pulling a The David Cook for Little Patriots Embraced

A couple weeks ago Aunt Becky and her merry band of Pranksters pranked Google by pulling a John C. Mayer. That in and of itself was awesome and funny, but then Aunt Becky went and topped herself.

Becky and her Merry Band of Pranksters are Pulling a John C. Mayer for charity. Only this time, it’s called Pulling a The David Cook for Charity.

My brother is in the Air Force, and so the military holds a special place in my heart.  I support the troops and their families whenever I can, how ever I can.  And this is one way I can help out.

There is a relatively new charity based in St. Louis called Little Patriots Embraced.   With men *and* women serving in our military there are more and more children being faced with Mommy or Daddy being deployed and being gone for months or a year at a time.  That’s a hard thing to wrap a little mind around.  And that’s a lot of responsibility for the remaining parent to shoulder alone.

Little Patriots Embraced created to assist the families in coping with these daily stresses. We created several programs including designed a “family package” containing several exclusive products that are known to reduce emotional and psychological stress. Another program is our MD-TEC Fund. This program will provide supplemental financial assistance in the form of tuition for children’s summer camps, family financial support in times of emergency, and child care financial assistance for spouses in need.

They send out ‘care packages’ to the children of military members who have been deployed.  For some of the older kids, they take them to ball games, or camping, and other activities.  They provide emotional and financial support for the spouses who are left to run a household alone.

So, how can you help Little Patriots Embraced?  There are several ways.  Little Patriots Embraced,  of course,  will always take monetary donations.  They are a non-for-profit organization so they are funded strictly by donations and fund raisers.  Little Patriots Embraced is always looking for volunteers or donations.  Yes, they are based in St. Louis and that makes attending fund raisers difficult for a lot of you, but they serve military families all across the country.  It’s conceivable they have helped, or can help someone close to you.

If you are interested in finding out in what ways you can help, click on any of the links above or you can contact Little Patriots Embraced directly. I am sure they would love to hear from you.

I could never be a helicopter

Today, on my way home I was listening to my favorite afternoon, take-my-mind-off-the-ever-loving-idiotic drivers all around me in the rush-to-get-somewhere-more-important-than-where-you’re-going traffic radio talk show.  (That has got to be the most descriptive, most run on over use of adjectives ever in a sentence.  This is a close second.)

Anyhoo, on my way home the radio host asked his listeners a question he genuinely wanted the answer to.  He is 45, on his 2^nd marriage and has a 5 year old daughter who is the most beautiful little girl in the entire world.  She is his entire world. (Wonder what his wife has to say about that.)  He’s obsessed with her (His words not mine).  He went on to explain that he is utterly terrified to let this precious most beautiful little girl of his out into their fenced back yard to play by herself.  There are 150 children abducted by strangers every year, and he is convinced that she is one of those 150.  That anyone who laid eyes on her would want to snatch her away.  He admitted to going so far as to sit in the back yard with her, watching her play, eating his dinner, with his firearm on his side, hand almost on the gun.

His question?  Am I a freak to be this concerned and over protective?

Uh, dude, I don’t know that freak is the right word.  Over protective is an understatement at best.  I mean who sits out there with their child fully armed, afraid that someone is going to jump your 5 foot fence?  Or just open the gate and take their kid?  You are not just a helicopter parent; you haven’t yet cut the umbilical cord.

One of the callers actually agreed with him, and went so far as to say her daughter could not go to her friends’ houses if the parents allowed the children to play outside in their fenced yard without being out there with them the entire time.

I get that we grew up in a different time.  We were blissfully unaware of the dangers around us.  We were allowed a childhood free of worry and evil.  We were out the door right after breakfast, caught lunch where/when we could, and were back home for dinner and back out the door until it was dark.

And no one ever took us.

We learned how to solve problems, we learned how to get out of a jam, we caused trouble, were up to no good, and solved our own trouble praying that our parents never found out what we had been up to that day.  We learned how to settle arguments, we learned how to appreciate difference of opinions, we learned how to forgive and forget. We learned how to be responsible for ourselves, and to ourselves.   We learned the fine art of negotiation and trade agreements.  We learned how to live in the world around us without fear.

Kids today have been taught to fear everyone they see.  They’ve been taught every stranger is dangerous; everyone is out to hurt them or take them.  They have lost their imagination because they aren’t allowed to exercise it or even use it.  Out of fear that rules this world we live in, our children are missing out on some very important life lessons that only they could learn on their own. Lessons that would serve them well in their adult life.

I was never a helicopter parent.  I can tell you that at every single family gathering the second the car doors were open the kids were off and gone if they could walk, if not there was always someone willing to pick them up and take them around.  There were times I wouldn’t see them again until it was time to eat.  They were off playing with cousins, learning the same lessons I learned.

Even at a family gathering at a city park, the kids ran free and nobody took them.  Even now, the girls are allowed to ride their bikes to the city park or the library by themselves without me hovering.  They go almost every day and they come home every time they go.

I guess what I’m asking is, who’s the ‘freak’ here.  Is he the freak for hovering over his daughter and watching her every minute of every day, or am I the freak for not hovering, and allowing my children to ride to town without me there every minute of every day?