Setting the Record Straight

You know that saying “Methinks thou doth protest too much”?

This is going to be like that.

Exactly.

First let me just get this out of the way.  I put my life on the internet, along with eleventy billion other people.  It’s out there, of my own choice.  I blog, I tweet, I Facebook right along with countless other people.  I am aware of what I put out there, and I know that in putting it out there I open myself up to judgment and speculation and unsolicited advice, and varying opinions.  Welcome to the Internet in America.

It has been brought to my attention that lately, the majority of my tweets and Facebook status updates have been about stress, drinking, and Xanax.  And an on-line friend decided to hold an on-line intervention, you know to save me from myself.  Going so far as to suggest rehab or AA.

So, I’m here to set the record straight.  The problem is, because this is all online, and behind computer screens even if I emphatically deny the charges, it will sound like just that; denial.  But I’m putting it out there anyway.

I talk a great big talk.  I don’t walk a step of it.  I am gainfully unemployed, my son turned the magical 18 this year, the age I hung my hat on hoping he’d reach out to me when he became an adult.  It’s the Holiday Season, I am a single mom of two teenage daughters, and it’s my first holiday season without Brian (which was *another* bone of contention in this online intervention). I’m under a lot of stress.

And I’m bipolar.

And that’s where this all hinges.  Because BPD and alcohol either party really really well, or not good at all.  Ok, but did I mention I’m unemployed?  I am raising two teenage daughters? For those of you who don’t have 2 teen daughters, they are very expensive creatures.  My unemployment benefits cover my bills. Barely.  There isn’t much to spare, and if there is, the girls have a list of things they want or need.  I don’t have a whole lot of money to support a drinking habit to the point of putting myself in danger.

I mean seriously, give me a little bit of credit here.  How many people out there talk about having a glass or two of wine at night to relax?  I’ve tried that.  It really isn’t my thing.  Oh, and for the record? I hate vodka. It is vile disgusting stuff.  But I’ve tweeted and Facebooked about it several times recently.  Tequila is my poison, and I know my limits and tequila is not invited into my house.  I don’t drink tequila or margaritas alone.  Captain Morgan is also my best friend and he is also not allowed in my house.

Basically what I’m trying to say is I’m too goddamned broke, and responsible, to fuck my life up by getting lit all the time.  Yes I talk about it a lot.  It doesn’t mean I do it.

And then there is the issue of Brian.  Apparently I’m not getting over him nearly as quickly or completely as some people would like.  But then again, they are the same people who think that every single Facebook Status is cryptically about him.  As if there could not possibly be anyone else in my life.  Uh, this whole me getting over Brian issue?  That’s on you, because you’re just making assumptions about things without knowing the details.

Believe it or not, this was not about Brian that night

 

I guess the reason I’m writing this is because really, I understand you said you are coming to me because you care, but clearly you don’t know me well enough.  And to suggest REHAB and AA because of Facebook?  And I’d say I’m really sorry I’m disappointing you in how I’m handling the whole Brian situation but I’m not sorry. Your disappointment is on you.  I’ll handle it however I decide to handle it.  I’m doing fine, really.  Yes, Thanksgiving sucked ass, but that’s a personal issue.  Here it is Monday, and I’m still here.  So, thanks for your concern but forgive me if I won’t be making reservations to be spending Christmas with Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen.

Now pass me the vodka.