Preteens: Door Open or Door Closed?

That’s a question every parent is going to have to answer at some point in their life.

With girls age 15 and 13, that question is a lot closer than I want to think.  My girls are the only girls in our neighborhood who are not sexual active, or have a significant other.

But sexually active is a long way from having their bedroom door closed while doing homework with a person of the opposite sex.

Or is it?

Kids are having sex earlier these days than we did.  I graduated from high school a virgin.  I was 18 when I had sex for the first time.  I am hoping that my girls wait that long to have sex, although I am realistic enough to know if they do they will be the exception among their peers.

Britt’s tweet, which was cross posted to Facebook, started a conversation among parents with children around the same age, trying to answer the same question.  The overwhelming opinion was door open if not having them do their homework in a family area of the home, such as dinning room table or living room.

When I was that age, I had a ‘boyfriend’.  And by boyfriend I mean he waved at me when he got off the bus, and would on occasion ask me to join his family for dinner.  We never went anywhere alone, we were never dropped off somewhere.  I am pretty sure I never saw his bedroom until well into high school.  And that was only because he had just gotten home from surgery on his shoulder.

My girls are allowed to go out with groups of friends at 15, and on one-on-one dates when they are 16.  There will be no overnights at my house or his until they are married.  I think that’s fair, but even if the girls don’t agree, it doesn’t matter. I’m the mom.

I have seen teens who have jumped into sexual relationships at a young age.  I have seen kids with babies that were conceived because ‘we were bored, so we had sex’ and they didn’t really understand what they were doing.  The whole “I’m not that kind of girl, I swear” except there they are having sex.

I’m sure Britt hopes, at 12, the is he having sex question is years away.  Right now, it’s just a question of what guidelines, what rules, do I put in place now that I might need later?  Or maybe even, am I jumping the gun? Of course, here I am putting words in Britt’s mouth, but they are questions I would ask myself if it were my girls.

So, what are your rules for dating ‘relationships’ for your kids?