I May Not be Mother of the Year, but Really, Who Is?

See that trophy? Yeah, it’s not mine. I am a good mother.  I am not a GREAT mother, or even a FANTASTIC mother, but I am a fucking good mother.  I won’t win any Mother-Of-The-Year awards, but really, who wants to? The pressure to maintain that façade is more than this hands on, exhausted single mom of two teen girls wants to put up with.

I’ve been doing this single mom gig now for 8 years, and so far they are still alive, they are not starved, they are popular in school, have lots of friends, are not having sex, and in our neck of the woods, where the girls are having sex before they have a drivers license, that’s saying something.

But every now and then, I stumble.  I miss something, I fall a little behind and I’m not right on top of everything every minute of every day.  What with trying to pay the bills, and look for a job, with trying to keep the schedules of cheer practice and dad’s weekends straight, with court dates and photography obligations, laundry and dishes that don’t do themselves, I am a little busy, and sometimes something gets missed.

It’s not a failure.  It’s a mistake.  It doesn’t make me a bad mom, it means I’m human.  I’m doing a hella lot over here, by. my. self. with precious little help from anyone, but a whole hella lot of judgment and condemnation from everyone.  Ok, well, maybe only a select one or two.   Yes I screwed up this summer, and yes, people has to step in and do my job and I can never say thank you enough for that.  But I’m fixing that screw up.  I’m taking care of those problems.  AND I’m raising my two daughters to be smart, beautiful, confident girls who everyone in their family can be damn fucking proud of.  AND they’re not dating (yet). AND they’re not having sex. And have I mentioned, around here that’s saying a whole hella lot?

I knew what I was signing up for when I chose this life.  Unlike every other job out there, this one does not get easier the longer you do it.  Up until now, it’s been smooth sailing, but with the arrival of newly minted teenage hormones, I now live in world of rolled eyes, slammed doors, and the silent treatment.  Now, I constantly have to remind myself you are here to parent them, not be their friend.  And that’s a tough pill to swallow. But I know that by being their parent now, I will someday be their friend.

Not every day will be roses and rainbow, unicorns and glitter.  But my parental report card is not judged on the day-to-day, but rather on the end result.  Don’t judge me on the small things they may or may not do, go ahead and judge me by the people my girls are.

I am Not a Bimbo, and I Won't Play One on the Internet

Can I ask a question?  Of course I can, it’s my blog.

Why do some women feel the need to dumb themselves down in order to be taken seriously?

Nothing annoys me more, (well, ok, maybe a few things do, but this? This really annoys me) than women who are very intelligent but feel the need to play the dumb bimbo.  Women work hard enough to be taken seriously, to prove that we are as good as, as smart as, worth as much as a man.  And yet, there are women out there who are dumbing it down, playing the bimbo, and being successful because of it. 

I hate contrived stupidity.

Even if it did work for Jessica Simpson.

And it seems to be working for the Kardashians too.

It’s not cute, it’s not even funny.  Most of the time it’s completely transparent and therefore insulting.  It’s like they are ashamed of their brains like some women are ashamed of their thighs. And what is it teaching our daughters?  Get a good education Honey, learn all that you can learn, and then act stupid because nobody likes a smart woman.

Stupid is as stupid does?

Apparently stupid sells.

There are several blogs I read that do this.  They have successful blogging/writing/social media careers, and yet they dumb themselves down online.  And it works. Apparently. Don’t talk to me about body acceptance if you’re not going to accept your intelligence too.  Smart is sexy over stupid any day of the week.

I’m not a bimbo, I just play one on the internet.

I want this blog to go places, I want it to become something, I want some of that fame and notoriety that I know is out there.  But I’m not going to sell myself stupid in order to get it.  I don’t know that I could play the bimbo very well for very long.  I’d screw up and say something smart.

My Celebrity I'll Pass List

I think my ‘woman card’ may be in danger, you know, if there really is such a thing.  Men get all the cool shit.  Man caves, we get the kitchen.  They get the car/truck we get the minivans. They have man cards, we… well we don’t really have anything.  I searched Google, and while there was a whole bunch of stuff come up, there was nothing helpful.  I think there are times when Google says “Fuck Dude I don’t know” and just throws things at us, hoping something sticks.

Any way, back to why my ‘woman card’ may very well be in danger.  Everyone has a list.  You know, that list, the Celebrity Free-Pass List. I have a Celebrity Free Pass List. It is painfully short, and we won’t discuss it.  I also have a Celebrity I’ll Pass List.   Yes, I have a list of celebrities that, should the chance ever arise that I could hang out with them, of have sex with them, I would respectfully pass on that opportunity.

My Celebrity I’ll Pass List.

First on my list is Ryan Gosling

I’m sorry, I just don’t see the appeal here.  Add the facial hair and it gets even harder for me to find.  Yes, I have seen The Notebook.  Yes, his character Noah was a great character, but I just didn’t *sigh* over him.  I’d rather hang out with Ryan Reynolds.

Next:  David Beckham

Yeah, ok, he has a very fit body.  He has spent some serious time in the gym.  Frankly, to me, he’s a Pretty Boy, he works a little too hard, he’s a little to “perfect”.  And he honestly does nothing for me.  Highly over rated in my book.

Next: Hugh Jackman

He’s a good looking man, and his role in Wolverine shot him straight to the top of a lot of women’s Celebrity Free Pass Lists.  Maybe the crossed wires in my head from my bipolar has crossed more than few other wires too, but this guy, I just don’t see it.

I’m going to be run out of town by adding Matthew McConaughy

 

There’s just something about him… I like his movies, he has amazing comedic timing, he’s not altogether unattractive, but well… he just always seems.. dirty.  He is always on a beach, and there’s sand, and ocean water, and we all know how I feel about ocean water. Also, there’s just a bit too much “I AM MATTHEW McCONAUGHY” to him.  His ego would sort of get in the way.

Zac Efron

Sure, when he was all 800 High School Musicals, and when he did Hairspray he was way too young to even look at without getting skeeved out (suck it spell check Skeeved is too a word). But even after he became legal to ogle… Maybe I’m missing a gene somewhere, but meh, I’ll pass.

Is there a pattern here?  Is it maybe I just don’t like men who are prettier than me?

So, for something different, who’s on YOUR Celebrity I’ll Pass List?

Dear Unemployment Office,

First of all, let me say, up until this week I have no problems with you.  For just shy of a full year, it has been smooth sailing, easy peasy, blue skys, rainbows and unicorns.

This week, though, has been beyond hellish and frustrating and a whole bunch of bullshit.

I sign in online every Sunday. Type in all my information, answer a few questions, submit. Done.  A couple of days later, just like magic, money is credited to my debit card, and I can pay  my bills and go about my merry way.

Due to Monday being a Holiday, I knew my payment wouldn’t come until Wednesday and I was OK with that.  Imagine my surprise when Wednesday rolled around and I didn’t get paid.

I check on line; instead of saying you credited money to my debit card, it says PENDING ISSUE. I call all five numbers you have listed on every single piece of paper you send me, and I get the automated menu which tells me I have to check in on the 14th, my last week reported was September 1, and my last payment is being held for a pending issue which the automated non-live voice can not elaborate on. He says, you will receive a letter in the mail with a date and time someone will be calling you to discuss this issue with you.

I have learned in the past, that the only real way to get any answers from a real live human being is to email them. Which I do.

My name is Rebecca Hood, my date of birth is 07/03/xxxx and the last four of my social are xxxx.

I was supposed to receive my unemployment payment today, and when I checked online it says there is a pending issue. I called the numbers both for St. Louis and for Jefferson City for more information.  I could only reach the automated menu which only gave me the same vague information.  Could you please give me more information as to what this issue is?  I have bills that are due now, and I can’t pay them.  Without that I will be without water and electricity.  You can reach me by phone at 636-358-0677 or by return email at this email address.  Thank you.

Within 90 minutes, I was speaking with a real person who told me I didn’t show up for an appointment I had on August 28th.  “Wait, what? What appointment? I didn’t know anything about it.”  Well they mailed a letter, did you get a yellow piece of paper with “No” well, you need to call the career center and meet with them, before we can release your funds.

This morning, I called the career center and explained everything to them.  They politely said We’re sorry but it’s not our fault you didn’t come to the appointment, it’s not our fault you didn’t get the letter, it’s not our fault you have no money and it’s not our fault you can’t get here.  Call the Unemployment Office and see if they can help.

Well, we know that calling them will take me through a whole menu of worthless things only to say they are too busy, the hold lines are too full, and there is nothing they can do, thankyougoodbye.

Once again, I send an email.  Four hours later, they call me. I once again explain how I didn’t get a yellow piece of paper in an envelope in the mail.  That while the career center seems to believe I possess some kind of super power that allows me to know when they are sending out letters to me so that I can flick a wrist and redirect that letter to the North Pole, I do not in fact possess such powers, and it is in no way my fault I didn’t get the letter. For all I know it got lost.  They tell me that I need to call the career center, at which time I inform HER I ALREADY DID call the career center and THEY TOLD ME to CALL HER.

I explain that I didn’t get paid because I didn’t get the letter. I also explain that I was in the career centers office just three weeks ago, and nobody there said a word to me.  “Well that’s not my fault” just like the letter getting lost isn’t mine. I also said that 14 cents isn’t enough to do jack squat and I can’t put gas in my car to go to the career center.

Well we can’t release funds until you report.

Yes I get that, just like it’s not the career centers responsibility, it’s yours, and you say it’s theirs.  Got that. So can you tell me who’s front  porch I should stand on when they disconnect me water and electricity for non payment because you all are unwilling to do anything put point the finger at each other and avoid taking any responsibility of offering any kind of help?

Then she steps up and says “Are you going to let me talk now? Is it my turn?”  Sure honey, I’ll listen if you have something new to say that’s not “It’s not our responsibility, it’s not our fault, it’s  yours or its theirs”.  “Well I’m going to tell you how the system works”  I know how the system works.  It doesn’t, you all drop the ball three time; letter, face to face, and online.  If you can’t get the information to me in one of those three ways, it truly isn’t my fault, but it somehow becomes my problem to fix without you lifting a finger to help.  Now, unless you’re going to suggest someway you can help me out here, this conversation is done.

Basically Unemployment Office, your system sucks, and just like the rest of the government offices you absolve yourself of any responsibility in any manner.  You pass the blame to someone else, who in turn passes it back to you.  So a failure to communicate through three possibly avenues has now cost a lot of time and stress.  I am having to beg, borrow and steal money from whom ever I can so I can drive an hour, to spend less than 5 minutes in your glorious offices just so that maybe you can release my funds tomorrow.  Frankly Unemployment Office, you suck.

 

At What Point Has Bad Parenting Gone Too Far?

Have you heard the latest?  There’s a new outrage being talked about in not so quiet voices, about the latest leader in the Mother of the Year race.  This one beats the beauty pageant mom who admitted to using Botox on you little girl.  This one even tops the tanorexic  mom who reportedly took her daughter into the tanning room with her.  This mom, really is your have eaten lately, you might want to come back.  This mom, took her twin daughters to a restaurant for lunch.  Not a fast food grab and go restaurant. This was a sit down and order your food from a menu with a waiter.  A nearby patron thought it odd that the girls’ pants were pulled down.  Until she realized those were not booster seats the girls were sitting on, but potty chairs!

I don’t even know where to begin here.  The Bitchy Waiter tells the story with much more flair and humor than I can bring to the table. (see what I did there?) The thing is, I don’t know if parents today are just stupid, are clueless, have an ungodly overinflated sense of entitlement, don’t know or care to know how to be parents, what?  There are some “parents” (and god do I use that term as loosely) who are taking ‘free-range parenting’ clear to the I don’t give a fuck limit.

Parents today are micromanaging their children’s time down to the minute so that they don’t have to spend any real quality time with their kids.  Soccer, baseball, ballet, and violin lessons are surely enough discipline for any child, why discipline them at home?  In the world of everyone gets a trophy because everyone is a winner, parents and children neither one have to deal with disappointment.  They also never have to live in a little place the rest of us like to call reality, where it sometimes rains and you sometimes lose because here, we keep score.

The mother of the twin exhibitionists (yes I realize it is a bit unfair to use that word about the girls because they didn’t know better. Just like their mother. Clearly) had left the restaurant before management was made aware, which make the patron who discovered it a chicken shit.  Once I saw that, (and got a great picture to post on the internet) I would have gone straight to management.  I also don’t understand the waiter who waited on them.  What he so desperate for a good tip he kept his mouth shut?

This situation raises so many questions about parents today.  I know parents who don’t say no to their children because they don’t want to be the bad guy.  I know parents who buy stupid ridiculous things for their children because they are trying to get the kids to like them more than the ex spouse.  I know parents who potty trained their sons by telling them to go outside and pee on the trees.  Which made for interesting forays out in public.  But bringing potty chairs to a sit down restaurant?  And USING them at the table? I don’t get it.  I just don’t get it.

There are other patrons to consider.  I don’t care if the girls were two, or twenty two, there is a time and place, especially a place, for that transaction, and the dinning table is not it.  There are health codes the restaurant is required to meet.  I am almost positive that this behavior is in clear violation of those health codes and could get the restaurant shut down. And for what? A lazy clueless mother?  And then there are the logistics of the whole transaction. How did she get two potty training aged twin daughters, two potty chairs, and herself into the restaurant without drawing attention to herself?  If the other patrons believed them to be booster seats, the chairs had to have some substance to them, and how did nobody notice and say something?  Then lets say, one or even both girls had a “transaction” during lunch.  That brings up a whole different set of logistics that now must be worked out.  How would she deal with it?  She clearly would have to take both girls with her to the bathroom, which would require pulling up pants at the table. Again, how would she transport everything and everyone without drawing attention to herself?

Look, I know that parenting is not the easiest job in the world.  It’s not as difficult as rocket science (until you get to science projects) or brain surgery either.  It is demanding. There are days you consider selling them on Ebay.  And potty training is not easy either.  It doesn’t happen overnight. It may not happen in a week.  And I can only imagine what it is like with twins.  But Honey, please, for the sake of everyone else eating around you, and out of respect for the health codes, for the plain simple common courtesy and human decency, if the girls are not completely potty trained, please leave them in diapers, or leave them with a sitter.

*Photo taken from The Bitchy Waiter website.

Fighting My Way Back to Normal.

I went to Google to find an image for manic episode, and it turns out there are tens of thousands, OK, maybe just tens, of images that portray all that I’ve been stuck in lately. Then I Googled depression because along with my mania I get to be depressed, and again, tens of images that portray what I’m feeling.

I once described bipolar as the fucking little two faced beast that convinces you that you can fly an airplane; and then pushes you out mid-flight I can’t put into words what the hell is going on up in my brain.  It’s depression, in that I don’t want to do anything, I can’t care about anything, all I can think is “I just don’t care” and “Fuck this bullshit”.  And yet, with the mania, my mind is racing all the time.  I have a thousand things to do, to write, to say and yet, I just can’t get up the energy to care enough to do, say or write any of it.

And that’s when the party starts, because in the midst of a depression I hate myself the most.  I’m worthless, I’m not good enough, I just want to give up.  Then my manic brain ceases on one of those thoughts and focuses in on it, and that’s when the downward spiral becomes a high speed descent into hell.

I bitch at everyone, and feel guilty about it afterward, and then it’s fuck it I don’t care.  The girls are too loud, the house is too quiet.  I want to talk to people so I’m not alone, and yet I have nothing worthwhile to say.  Then I get mad when they don’t text or call me.  But when they do, I scream DON’T ANSWER IT!!!!

So, if I’m not here for a few days, I’m trying to find my way back to normal.  My brain told me today that “I love you” isn’t reason enough to stick around.  So I immediately called my doctor.  We upped the dose on my medications and hopefully there will be an improvement soon.  One thing my bipolar does do right is react to the medications quickly.  Hopefully I’ll be back soon.