My Inner Awesome

I took a 48 hour blog/internet hiatus.  I needed a break.  When you put your life out there on display, it makes it easy to be found.  When you connect with people on so many levels (Facebook, Twitter, blogs, email, IM, texts) it makes it easy to keep track of them (and them you) whether you want to or not.  I needed to step away, and take a breath, and get back to center.

It has been 10 days now since Brian broke up with me.  For the most part I’ve held it together, I haven’t completely lost my shit.  Well, except for yesterday, but it was time I cried a really good cry.  Unfortunately I did it at work… so uh awkward.  But I got up this morning and decided two things.  1. I need a new on-line identity, that is mine, just mine, and not tied to anyone else.  and 2. I need to find my Inner Awesome again.

I have been Ms. Batman on-line for three years now, on the hope that someday I would be MRS. Batman.  That was all fine and dandy when Brian was still Batman, and I was still dreaming of white dresses, diamond rings and happily ever after.  Welcome to today, where Brian is just Brian, and our happily ever after ended December 26th.  I have spent the last year working to create a name, a brand in Ms. Batman, but well, I can spend longer creating a name/brand as myself.

Britt is right.  I do need to change my pseudonym.  When I asked her for suggestions she said “I personally like BeckyHood.”  It’s simple, it’s easy to remember, it’s exactly who I am, and I don’t ever have to change it, no matter how many horrible, terrible, no good, very necessary breaks up (God forbid) I go through.

The domain for this blog is due for renewal in a couple of weeks too.  I am not going to be changing it.  I have owned www.msbatman.com for three years now, and I can’t even begin to consider the headache it would cause me to buy a new domain (I mean trying to come up with one would take me months at best) and move everything from here to there, and then go about tracking down all the places far and wide I have spread myself all over this internet and change all my links and damn I need a drink just thinking about it.  I’ll keep the domain, and the URL.  It’s not that big of a deal.  Clearly.

So, a new pseudonym.  Or maybe not. Maybe I’ll just go with my real name.  Something to think about.  I am open to suggestions.

Next on my list: Finding my Inner Awesome.  Sara over at I run with scissors wrote a great series on Finding your Inner Awesome.  (part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6) I have an amazing group of friends.  Both here on line and IRL.  Friends I didn’t realize were friends.  I mean, we work together, so yeah, we’re work buddies, and since I live so far away from work (at least an hour) I don’t get to hang out with them after work.  But when I found myself single, and broken hearted, they all gathered around and offered support and encouragement.  They have been wonderful reminding me how awesome I am.  I don’t mean that to sound stuck up.  I mean, when all I could see was “He dumped me!”  they were there with “Hey Bitch, you bought your girls laptops for Christmas.  You are a totally awesome mom!” and “Honey, please. You have a rockin new house to live in, and your girls are amazing and you are awesome for being a single parent.”

I got comments here, on Facebook, and on Twitter reminding me that I was am amazing and awesome and that I have come a long way in the past year and this little speed bump isn’t going to slow me down.  I have had all kinds of support from everyone and I can’t begin to put into words all that it means to me, and how helpful your words of support and encouragement have been.  There are times they have been the difference between laughter and tears.  So, thank you.  Thank you. Thank you.  I just need to find my inner awesome again.  I need to be reminded that I am awesome, no matter that he doesn’t think so, he’s not the end all deciding factor on my awesomeness.

I am.