I need a lost and found for my life except that I'd probably lose that too.

It has been one of those weeks.  I don’t even know where to begin.  I guess I can start with the obvious.  For those of you who have been here before you will find that things look a little different now.  There is significantly less content here because a plugin update ate my entire blog and devoured my entire history.

I only wish I was kidding.  So, as far as this blog is concerned, nothing happened before today.  I have lost the past 18 months of my  life here.  The themes were intact.  The pluggins were intact (including that #@*&$^ one that ate all my posts!)  But everything I’ve ever written here is gone. POOF!

It shouldn’t surprise me.  This was just one more thing on a list of things I had lost this week.    Let’s go back to the beginning shall we?  I mean, it’s not far to go. Look! We’re already here.

Let’s start off with a few basic facts.

1. The economy sucks. Really sucks.  Like a lot.
2. I was not included in any of the multi billion dollar bail outs.  Not even a dime.
3. I have an ex husband who hasn’t paid me any child support since August 20, 2008.

There’s no good place to start this.  I mean, the economy sucks, and money is tight, and well, it’s been a struggle for me.  I’ve cut out everything but necessities trying to make ends meet.  I’ve robbed Peter to pay Paul.  I’ve gone without lunch so the girls can have dinner.  BLah blah blah… and yet, it was never enough.   In fact Monday I asked Brian if I could drive his car (because it had gas in it and mine didn’t and I had $10 to payday.. Tuesday).

In the struggle I got behind on my car payment.  My new (preowned) car that I’ve had for 15 months.  I paid the rent, paid the electric, bought food, and gas and did what I had to to get by but the car payments suffered.  Monday they came to work to repo the car.  (Thank god it was at Brian’s).  I cashed in all my unused vacation and used that money to make the payment that I thought/hoped would save the car.  I was wrong.  They took the money, no problem, but they took my car too.  Hell if I had known that I wouldn’t have cashed in all my vacation to make that payment.  So, now I’ve lost my car.  Lost all of my paid vacation until June 2011.  And lost the money I got from cashing in my vacation.  Lost. Lost. Lost.

In the midst of all of this or because of all of this Brian and I have been struggling this week.  It has not been pretty at all.  I stopped wearing makeup to work because I figured what’s the point? I’m just going to cry it all off by noon anyway.

The kicker of this is… that child support I mentioned before?  Yeah, you know that child support I’m not getting paid.  The child support the state doesn’t seem to concerned with getting from him?  It was just enough to make the car payment.  It would have covered the car payment for me.  So, yes, while I struggled and juggled and stretched and sacrificed to make ends meet, I still lay a good portion of the blame for this mess squarely at his irresponsible dead beat feet.

And then just when I figured I had given it all up as lost and there was precious little left to lose, I was proven wrong yet again this morning.  Earlier this week I had gone in to automatically update my plugins.  I’ve done this countless of times before without problems.  Not this time.  I updated one pluggin and *poof* my entire dashboard for my blog ceased to exist.  In the process of trying to find it and restore it, my entire blog history was erased.  The construction (themes/pluggins) was intact, but the content?  Gone.  It’s like I haven’t blogged here for the past 2 years.  This is initially my very first blog post on this blog, even though I know that’s not true.

But the absolute utter worst part of this whole entire fiasco?  Along with my car, along with my vacation, along with my blog content, I’ve managed to lose my appetite too.  Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  That worst is, that I’ve lost all these other things, including my appetite and my desire to eat anything, and I haven’t been able to lose a single pound of fat.