My Goodbye

We knew this was coming.  We have known since Christmas that we were on borrowed time.  Every day was a gift we didn’t expect to get.  He lived like he had 1000 days left, and he lived as if today was his last.

The past week was hard.  Reality was becoming more of a place he visited instead of a place he lived.  His breathing was harder, his balance less unsure.  He slept sitting up, sometimes even standing.  We had to always be on guard with him.

Friday night he got a grand total of 6 hours sleep.  A blessing.  Saturday his mind was sharp, his balance spot on.  He made me one of his bloody Marys.  We all went out to lunch.  He had a good day.  He wanted to go out on the boat.

Sunday, Batman and I took him to the lake and out on his boat.  He sat there feeling the wind in his face.  We stopped, and threw out a line for him.  He sat and fished, listening to the ballgame on the radio.  He was happy.

That day took it’s toll.  His mind wasn’t as sharp that night or the next day.  He would have moments of clarity, but they were few.  He was independent to the end.

Yesterday AM I got up and went downstairs (I’ve been staying at Bat Manor when the kids are at their dads’) for coffee.  Dad was already up, at his laptop, reading emails.  We flirted like we always do.. Hey Good Looking how long have you been up?  We shared a cup of coffee.  He sent me upstairs with a “Better get that coffee upstairs before he’s cranky”.

He sat at the table, dozing.  I reached out and patted his hand, checking on him, he looked at me, reached for my hand and squeezed it.  “I love you too Dad”.

Yesterday at 8:30AM he started having trouble.  Hospice was called. His favorite nurse came to be with him.  She worked on him for 3 hours.  She got him stablized.   He was calm and resting, his vitals were stable.  Mom laid down beside him for just a second, and dozed off.  While she slept he saw his chance.  Her attention was elsewhere, and he quietly slipped away.

He’s at peace.  He can laugh, and breathe and sing.  I’ve been told he had a beautiful singing voice.  He’s playing with Skeeter and Remy (his two favorite dogs who went before him and have been waiting at the gates for him, I’m sure).  There was a dog party last night.  The Card’s won their ballgame last night.  I’m sure he was sitting right behind home plate.

Mom prayed yesterday in the midst of his struggle.. Lord if you’re going to take him, take him now, and take him quick so he doesn’t suffer.

He went in his sleep.

He is at peace.